tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3277105891087500902024-03-14T10:48:47.602+02:00The book of EdSmokehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150507433936703371noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327710589108750090.post-28477674678635853042013-02-02T23:24:00.001+02:002013-02-02T23:25:42.425+02:00Wordzzle #232What ever happened to Monroe? Well, he is back. And the adventure continues.<br />
Let me not keep you...<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
10-word challenge:<br />
<span style="color: #444444;">wishing well</span>, <span style="color: #444444;">truck</span>, <span style="color: #444444;">chicken</span>,<span style="color: #444444;"> coaster</span>, <span style="color: #444444;">flowering tree</span>, <span style="color: #444444;">bacteria</span>, <span style="color: #444444;">matches</span>, <span style="color: #444444;">colorful</span>, <span style="color: #444444;">port</span></div>
<br />
<div style="color: #e06666;">
And for the mini: <br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">swirl,</span> <span style="color: #cc0000;">bear with me</span>, <span style="color: #cc0000;">stretcher</span>, <span style="color: #cc0000;">muffin</span>, <span style="color: #cc0000;">gratitude</span></div>
<div style="color: #e06666;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #e06666;">
<br /></div>
..."<span style="color: #cc0000;">bear with me</span> Tony, it is a <span style="color: #cc0000;">colorful</span> tree that i am after, not necessarily a <span style="color: #cc0000;">flowering tree</span>".<br />
As if I, haven't explained this at least a dozen times to the poor man. <br />
" look carefully at the two images in front of you". <br />
"What do you mean, you don't have the photos with you?"<br />
"OK, run to your office, and collect them, and then call me back."<br />
"Yes Tony, "<br />
"because you cant call me back, if you don't put the phone down."<br />
"OK, now go".<br />
Click<br />
<br />
Why should it be so hard, getting the right, color-scape, wall paper in an office. Trees with different shades of green and orange and brown and red, is not remotely the same as a deep purple Bougain Villa, but it probably is my own fault. I did say i wanted to be reminded of the island life. It is a shame he was thinking of Hawaii.<br />
<br />
I suppose you want to know why i am hanging Wall paper. and why I am not, say, chasing after the next sale, selling air conditioning to the Arctic, or fighting off ruthless rivals. Well after my island ordeal, I returned back to the office, and for a couple of weeks, all was fine. But then it started creeping back to me, the island was calling me, luring me back. It was as if some strange, native <span style="color: #cc0000;">bacteria</span>, off the island, had crept under my flesh, and the whole of me, body and mind, was reaching back there.<br />
<br />
I took it upon myself to bring two palm trees into my cubicle, and I would sleep there, during the day, on a <span style="color: #cc0000;">stretcher</span>. Some mornings, someone would offer me a <span style="color: #cc0000;">muffin</span> or a bagel, then I would just shrug, and raise my machete and live <span style="color: #cc0000;">chicken<span style="color: black;">.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="color: black;">When I stopped being productive, and my colleagues started complaining about the smell, the Boss had no choice, but to call me in.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="color: black;">"Is everything OK, Monroe?" He asks with genuine concern. "I passed a <span style="color: #cc0000;">wishing well</span> on my way to work this morning, Sir". Being very careful, as one tends to be around the deranged, "yes Monroe? Did you make a wish?" "I stopped and peered into it, Sir. and then it chucked coins at me". "That is worrying, my dear Monroe," "The palm trees was laughing at me, Sir". I could tell, that caught him. "Right, Monroe, I have been worried lately, since your rescue from the Island, you haven't been yourself, and I think the company, Me really should express my <span style="color: #cc0000;">gratitude</span> towards you for everything you have done for us, and the lengths you have gone to." At that point, he had my attention, like a ship moored at <span style="color: #cc0000;">port</span>.</span></span><br />
<br />
Can you believe it, I have been made VP of Executive Liaison, and yes, that post is as big a <span style="color: #cc0000;">truck</span> load of bovine excrement, as the delusional state I was in.<br />
<br />
"VP of Execut... oh, Tony, so you have the images?"<br />
"Right, and you can see, there is not really any flowers involved?"<br />
"That is the ticket, son"<br />
"So what do you think? the linear motion or the <span style="color: #cc0000;">swirl</span> effect?"<br />
" I couldn't have said it better myself, now get it done."<br />
Click<br />
<br />
Only one small issue to sort out, and i will be in Career bliss. I head up to Mr bean counter's office, and Walk in without knocking, my box of <span style="color: #cc0000;">matches</span> in hand. " So Kent, what is this I hear about the spending on my work place therapy?" I draw one match from the box, one handed and Kent's eyes doesn't move from it. "It is just to expensive, and any way, since your farce of a promotion, Monroe, you seem to be doing a lot better." I stare at him and say. " Are those wasps I hear? Only one way to get rid of them, you know." Still one handed, I strike the match and numbing fear lights up in Mr Kent's eyes. "That is Mr Monroe to you. or have you forgotten your place?" Kent reaches for his desktop fone, and dials for a line.<br />
" Janette, please get a copy of the roof-top-roller-<span style="color: #cc0000;">coaster</span>-proposal down to consignment, with my approval on it."<br />
"I know what I said, but this is what I am saying now."<br />
"This is not the time, woman"<br />
"You and my wife both say so, but you both come back for more."<br />
"No, we will discuss it over drinks."<br />
click<br />
<br />
"Oh Kent, seems your in the double dog house tonight" I wink at him. "Any thing else Mon.. Mr Monroe?"<br />
" You learn fast Kent, now sit! beg! Just kidding, but I have your number, if anything comes up" I say, as I close the door, to the shutter of cheap porcelain on wood.<br />
<br />
<br />Smokehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150507433936703371noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327710589108750090.post-51691025648910217452012-08-28T17:50:00.001+02:002012-08-28T17:50:34.331+02:00A series of unfortunate events<div><p><b><i>" His</i></b> <b><i>blog</i></b> <b><i>was</i></b> <b><i>mediocre,</i></b> <b><i>and</i></b> <b><i>not</i></b> <b><i>very funny</i></b> <b><i>at</i></b> <i><b>best.</b></i>  <b><i>he</i></b> <b><i>had</i></b> <b><i>only</i></b> <i><b>nine</b></i> <b><i>followers.</i></b> (And they were payed to read it). <b><i>But</i></b> <b><i>then</i></b> <b><i>he</i></b><b><i> </i></b><b><i>disappeared.</i></b> <b><i>Some</i></b><b><i> </i></b><b><i>thought</i></b><b><i> he published, others said he went to the moon, but he was in.... A Coma.</i></b></p>
<p><b><i>This summer, he is back and he has a sharp pencil and still only his dull wit</i></b><b><i>, but he is back to blog it.</i></b></p>
<p>(<b><i>Now go back And read it again as if it is the naration of n blockbuster movie trailer.</i></b>)</p>
<p>Yes, I am back, again, and too much has happened for me to try and catch up. So this will be my official account of what happened.</p>
<p>Shortly after posting my last entry, events unfurled that ended with me , in a Coma for 16 months.</p>
<p>I was driving one day, heading to work, I was late so naturally I was speeding. My phone then started ringing and as I tried to answer it, I dropped it, I reached down to get it, and just as I took my eyes off the road, and only for a moment, I jumped a stop sign and went straight through the crossing.</p>
<p>The next moment, I just saw blue..<br>
Yes, a traffic cop was on my tail and signaled me to pull over. I was lucky to get away with only A warning.</p>
<p>I arrived at work and I was late, fortunately, the boss was in an early meeting So it went unnoticed. I went to my office and found that my office floor was completely covered in water, apparently, a major storm raged the previous evening, and the water got in under neath the door.</p>
<p>I switch the light on, but nothing happens, I realised that the circuit breaker popped. I know this because the power cable of my office computer  has a patch where a rat chewed it. I go to breaker to switch it on and as I flip the switch, it just kicks out again. One of my colleagues then arrives and I explain to him what is happening, So he advises me to first unplug the computer in my office, as this is the cause of the short circuit. </p>
<p>I walk into my water logged office and realise how dangerous it is, but knowing the power is out, I feel I am safe, or So I thought.</p>
<p>Now while all this was happening, another colleague of mine, found that it was in fact his radio on his desk that tripped the power. And not knowing that I was standing in a puddle of death, he head to the circuit breaker. The next thing I see is this flash of light, as my office light comes on, my colleague,  not knowing my situation, had turned the breaker on, after unplugging his radio.</p>
<p>Needless to say, I was fine, the power cable of my computer was high and dry, switched off. So I grabbed a mop and after an hour and a half, I had my floor dry.</p>
<p>The day progressed slowly, I struggled to stay focused on the job. Outside, work men were busy cutting down trees damaged by the storm. The din from the chainsaws was intensifying an already throbbing head ache. I took a chance and went out to tell them that due to strict health and safety regulations, they must take an hour long break. I walked out and under the tree and this loud crack shook me, the next moment, a huge branch, freshly cut, came falling down, by the time I looked up, it was too late, the branch had fallen on top of someone else's car. Lucky for me, the tree I was standing under neath had been trimmed earlier, and I was three trees away from the current job site.</p>
<p>The rest of the day progressed slowly and rather uneventful, until shortly after I left work. Unknowing to me, my life was about to change drastically....</p>
<p>While at the supermarket,  after work to buy groceries, I decided to purchase a lottery ticket, as I sometimes do, and there was a hefty jackpot to be won that night. I finished up my shopping and headed home.</p>
<p>The evening was fairly peacefull, spending time with my wife and sons. After the kids was bathed and put to bed, my wife and I stayed up to watch the lottery draw.</p>
<p>The show started and as I used a combination of our birth dates I knew the lottery ticket number, the announcer started with the first number, and it was a miss, the second number, I had right, third number was right as well. It went on like that and in the end, I had three correct numbers. Not bad, as I had won enough to repay the ticket and still have a few bucks left.</p>
<p>The next day, I went to the local shop to claim my ticket. I handed it the cashier to put it through the machine, she gave me a strange look and called for her manager. They had a whispered  conversation for a few minutes and then he left to a back office. After another few minutes, he returned. I asked him what is going on and he told me that due to the amount that i have won, they can't make the pay out and that I had to contact the regional offices for the lottery board to collect my winnings. I then ask him how much I have won,<br>
So he told me.</p>
<p>Due to my own error, while marking off numbers on the lotto ticket, I accidentally choose the winning numbers, and I was now the winner of the R47 million Rand jackpot. It took me about five minutes to realise that this was happening. I then made it known that I knew what was happening. This celebration lasted exactly 43 seconds. It was abruptly ended with the feel of cold steel on my neck and the click of a gun being cocked.</p>
<p>A sad young man, who was having the worst year of his life, was out that day to rob the shop and make a break to a different town, and restart his life. He happened to figure out what was happening to me, and took his chance.</p>
<p>He told me to hand over the ticket or else I wouldn't walk out the shop. I couldn't see him, as he was behind me. In that moment, I had the most conflicting argument with myself, in the end I gave it up. I handed him the ticket and all went black. I didn't even hear the gunshot.</p>
<p>I woke up to confusion, everything blurted, sounds deep, hollow,  words inaudible. I close my eyes.</p>
<p>Someone was calling my name. Straggle to open eyes. Bright light, close eyes. </p>
<p>This is what went down. After taking my ticket, the young man panicked and pistol whipped me, he then ran away. A short while later, an ambulance and police arrived and I was revived.</p>
<p>Three weeks later, the young man was arrested at the lottery regional offices, and was charged with armed robbery. See, back in the shop, the manager had already given my information through as the ticket holder, the lottery board was also informed of the robbery and after receiving a call from the young criminal claiming his ticket, a trap was setup by police and he was nabbed.</p>
<p>I recieved my winning and together with my family, booked a 16 month vacation in a coma.</p>
<p>Addendum:  due to a terrible spellchecker and autocorrect, every time I type foreign parts, it gets changed to A coma.<br>
Please reread my post with this in mind.</p>
</div>Smokehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150507433936703371noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327710589108750090.post-66678227990707885542011-04-29T13:53:00.001+02:002011-04-29T13:53:55.332+02:00When the shoe is on the other foot...<div><p>...Kick with it!</p>
<p>Hell yeah. I often frequent my local KFC drive thru, and I have more often then not had a problem with the service. Usually it is in the line of their debit card terminal is not online, and them only telling me this after I have ordered and having no cash on me. This results in one of two things.</p>
<p>1. I go into the branch, place a new order and pay electronicly inside, or..</p>
<p>2. I drive out and don't buy anything.</p>
<p>I ALMOST always complain, to such an extent that I now have the personal number of their regional manager on speed dial. But when I complain, it is always the same thing. '' sorry, it was a mistake''. Jip, no complamentary shake or pops, just sorry. Now because this is a regular problem, that Im sure many people experience, I have come to understand that when you give your order at the window, the only put it through to the kitchen, after you have paid.</p>
<p>So the other day, I again went there, with my wife and lucky for us, the drive thru was empty. Not good lucky, bad lucky.. We were struggling to get hold of her brother, to take his order, as we were buying lunch. So we hang back from the order window till we have his order, when this KFC employee comes up to the car window and ask if he can take our order. I tell we are not ready yet, as we are trying to reach my B.I.L to get his order, so the guy backs off. Now there is no cars behind us, so we are not holding up anyone. The guy then comes back and asks for our order, so I give him, my wife and my order because he won't yet give it at the window yet. After a few minutes a car pulls in behind us, so I decide to circle the drive thru to give them a chance, wich means I am now third in the que.</p>
<p>While waiting, my wife reaches her brother and gets his order. Now her comes a tricky bit for us. My wife has gotten pay but I haven't, so she has money, only it is in her bank and she doesn't have her card with her, wich means she must transfer some cash to my account, because I have my card, and this she can do on her mobile and its emediate. She then asks me how much cash I have and I tell her I only have R100 in cash and I know that is not enough for the meal. So get to the order window, and again place an order. I my wife for the difference and she says she didn't hear me say how much I had, so I ask her to transfer the rest to my card and I can pay that way, to which she says her phone is dead because of the battery. So I get a bit upset and drive out of the drive thru again to leave.</p>
<p>When we get out of the premises my wife manages to transfer the money somehow, and I get back in line. When I get to the window, I again place an order and then finally pay. I then drive up to the next window to collect my order. So I see the guy at the window is the shift manager, by his name tag, he then says, and I quote : ''I want to complain'' so I am shocked, here I am the customer, ney, PAYING customer who expects service and is backed by the new consumer protection act, and this guy wants to complain to me, about me. So he says something in the lines of..</p>
<p>''...We have now made your order three times and now is the first time you actually pay, and twice now you have just left'' so I say, '' you usually only place the order after we pay so I don't see the problem'' to wich he replys that they now have three of the same order. So I did the right thing and made right with them.</p>
<p>I said to him...'' sorry, it was a mistake''</p>
<p>You know what the worst of all was, when I asked for my order, he said I had to wait 5 minutes as it wasn't ready.</p>
</div>Wonkohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11519018560471974773noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327710589108750090.post-85544674552802244492010-10-27T19:58:00.003+02:002010-10-27T20:43:53.452+02:00Sticking it to the man...<h3><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">... Even if he is already stuck.</span></span></h3><h3><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px;">This is a Letter written by Gareth Cliff, addressed to Government. Gareth is a Radio DJ and Television personality in South Africa. He is also the big mouth everyone loves to hate. For more of his wisdom go check out <a href="http://www.garethcliff.com/chronicles.php">Chronicles of Cliff</a> </span></span></h3><h3 style="font-size: 14px; color: rgb(0, 218, 212); font-weight: bold; font-family: Arial; "><br /></h3><h3 style="font-size: 14px; color: rgb(0, 218, 212); font-weight: bold; font-family: Arial; ">Dear Government</h3><span class="details" style="font-size: 10px; font-family: Arial; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >26th October, 2010</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /><br /></span><p style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >Dear Government<br /><br />OK, I get it, the President isn't the only one in charge. The ANC believes in "collective responsibility" (So that nobody has to get blamed when things get screwed up), so I address this to everyone in government - the whole lot of you - good, bad and ugly (That's you, Blade).<br /><br /></span><img src="http://www.garethcliff.com/upload/thumbs/791_4cb4c9798155a.jpg" alt="" width="170" height="223" align="left" style="border-top-width: 1px; border-right-width: 1px; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-left-width: 1px; border-top-style: solid; border-right-style: solid; border-bottom-style: solid; border-left-style: solid; border-top-color: rgb(158, 129, 90); border-right-color: rgb(158, 129, 90); border-bottom-color: rgb(158, 129, 90); border-left-color: rgb(158, 129, 90); " /><span class="Apple-style-span" >We were all so pleased with your renewed promises to deliver services (we'll forgive the fact that in some places people are worse off than in 1994); to root out corruption (so far your record is worse than under Mbeki, Mandela or the Apartheid regime - what with family members becoming overnight millionaires); and build infrastructure (State tenders going disgustingly awry and pretty stadia standing empty notwithstanding) - and with the good job you did when FIFA were telling you what to do for a few months this year. Give yourselves half a pat on the back. Since President Sepp went off with his billions I'm afraid we have less to be proud of - Public Servants Strikes, more Presidential bastard children, increasing unemployment and a lack of leadership that allowed the Unions to make the elected government it's bitch. You should be more than a little worried - but you're not. Hence my letter. Here are some things that might have passed you by:<br /><br />1. You have to stop corruption. Don't stop it because rich people moan about it and because it makes poor people feel that you are self-enriching parasites of state resources, but because it is a disease that will kill us all. It's simple - there is only so much money left to be plundered. When that money runs out, the plunderers will raise taxes, chase and drain all the remaining cash out of the country and be left with nothing but the rotting remains of what could have been the greatest success story of post-colonial Africa. It's called corruption because it decomposes the fabric of society. When someone is found guilty of corruption, don't go near them - it's catchy. Making yourself rich at the country's expense is what colonialists do.<br /><br />2. Stop complaining about the media. You're only complaining about them because they show you up for how little you really do or care. If you were trying really hard, and you didn't drive the most expensive car in the land, or have a nephew who suddenly went from modesty to ostentatious opulence, we'd have only positive things to report. Think of Jay Naidoo, Geraldine Fraser-Moleketi and Zwelinzima Vavi - they come under a lot of fire, but it's never embarrassing - always about their ideas, their positions, and is perfectly acceptable criticism for people in power to put up with. When the media go after Blade Nzimande, Siphiwe Nyanda and the President, they say we need a new piece of legislation to "make the media responsible". That's because they're being humiliated by the facts we uncover about them daily, not because there is an agenda in some newsroom. If there had been a free press during the reigns of Henry VIII, Idi Amin or Hitler, their regimes might just have been kept a little less destructive, and certainly would have been less brazen and unchecked.<br /><br />3. Education is a disaster. We're the least literate and numerate country in Africa. Zimbabwe produces better school results and turns out smarter kids than we do. Our youth aren't usemployed, they're unemployable. Outcomes-based-education, Teachers' Unions and an attitude of mediocrity that discourages excellence have reduced us to a laughing stock. Our learners can't spell, read, add or subtract. What are all these people going to do? Become President? There's only one job like that. We need clever people, not average or stupid ones. the failure of the Education Department happened under your watch. Someone who writes Matric now hadn't even started school under the Apartheid regime, so you cannot blame anyone but yourselves for this colossal cock-up. Fix it before three-quarters of our matrics end up begging on Oxford Road. Reward schools and teachers who deliver great pass rates and clever students into the system. Fire the teachers who march and neglect their classrooms.<br /><br />4. Give up on BEE. It isn't working. Free shares for new black partnerships in old white companies has made everyone poorer except for Tokyo Sexwale. Giving people control of existing business won't make more jobs either. In fact, big companies aren't growing, they're reducing staff and costs. The key is entrepreneurship. People with initiative, creative ideas and small companies must be given tax breaks and assistance. Young black professionals must be encouraged to start their own businesses rather than join a big corporation's board as their token black shareholder or director. Government must also stop thinking that state employment is a way to decrease unemployment - it isn't - it's a tax burden. India and China are churning out new, brilliant, qualified people at a rate that makes us look like losers. South Africa has a proud history of innovation, pioneering and genius. This is the only way we can advance our society and economy beyond merely coping.<br /><br />5. Stop squabbling over power. Offices are not there for you to occupy (or be deployed to) and aggrandize yourself. Offices in government are there to provide a service. If you think outrageous salaries, big German cars, first-class travel and state housing are the reasons to aspire to leadership, you're in the wrong business - you should be working for a dysfunctional, tumbledown parastatal (or Glenn Agliotti). We don't care who the Chairperson of the National Council of Provinces is if we don't have running water, electricity, schools and clean streets. You work for us. Do your job, don't imagine you ARE your job.<br /><br />6. Stop renaming things. Build new things to name. If I live in a street down which the sewage runs, I don't care if it's called Hans Strijdom or Malibongwe. Calling it something nice and new won't make it smell nice and new. Re-branding is something Cell C do with Trevor Noah, not something you can whitewash your lack of delivery with. <br /><br />7. Don't think you'll be in power forever. People aren't as stupid as you think we are. We know you sit around laughing about how much you get away with. We'll take you down, either at the polls - or if it comes down to the wire - by revolution (Yes, Julius, the real kind, not the one you imagine happened in 2008). Careless, wasteful and wanton government is a thing of the past. The days of thin propaganda and idealized struggle are over. The people put you in power - they will take you out of it. Africa is tired of tin-pot dictators, one-party states and banana republics. We know who we are now, we care about our future - and so should you.</span></p><p style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >G</span></p><p></p><h3><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px;"> These are very real issues in South Africa and I am glad it was voice non-governmental.</span></span></h3><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">(No permission was received to publish this article but in the spirit of the cause, I am sure Mr. Cliff won't mind)</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; "><br /></span></span></div><p></p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-width: initial; border-color: initial; "><img src="http://www.garethcliff.com/images/hr.gif" width="100%" height="2" style="border-top-width: 1px; border-right-width: 1px; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-left-width: 1px; border-top-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-bottom-style: none; border-left-style: none; border-top-color: rgb(158, 129, 90); border-right-color: rgb(158, 129, 90); border-bottom-color: rgb(158, 129, 90); border-left-color: rgb(158, 129, 90); border-width: initial; border-color: initial; " /></span></span>Smokehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150507433936703371noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327710589108750090.post-31583863055281427022010-07-08T15:05:00.002+02:002010-07-08T15:55:30.291+02:00Here to stay... or do I speak to soon?On Monday we get a call about a swarm of bees at the primary school. We go there and find them in a clamp, on a tree branch. So we get a box under them and give em a good shake, and they drop into the box. Those that were left, were scooped up into a plastic bag and was brought home.<br /><br />We got them all into one temporary/catcher hive and stuck a queen guard to the front of it to keep the queen in. If she goes, then the whole swarm goes.<br /><br />Day two, The bees are happily buzzing about and enjoying them self and only two or three died during the night.<br /><br />Day three. We find that the bees are all gathering on the front of the hive and by that I mean from top to bottom, I first think that maybe they can't get in as we were worried that the gaps in the queen guard was to small, then we read that if it gets to stuffy inside, the drones (male bees that can't sting and is the breeders), who are bigger than the females, are sent outside as they don't have a continuous function. But the bees outside, are all the smaller bees. And the drones can't get through the queen guard.<br /><br />First let me remind you that we try to work with the bees later in the day when it is cooler, as this calms them down. So at about four o' clock, we suit up and go to an old "windpomp"(wind powered water pump) that doesn't work anymore. The windpomp is about 400 meters away from our home and has over the last few months become the home of a swarm of bees. We can't extract the swarm, because they are in the borehole, and we have to smoke them from beneath.<br /><br />Now these bees have become a nuisance and we fear they might become a problem later on when we start processing the honey. There for we have to get rid of them, by either catching them, or by chasing them away. We might be able to save the wax(wax can be expensive and also, it takes the bees the same amount of time to make four kilograms of honey, as it takes them to make one kilogram of wax).<br /><br />We decide on about four o' clock as this was a good time when we previously went there, only we didn't recon it would be warmer.<br /><br />So the smokers are on and we are suited up. The plan is to attach a piece of garden hose, about two meter long, to the one smoker and then lower it past the wax combs to the bottom of the hive, this way, if we pump smoke in, the bees will come out.<br /><br />My brother in law opens the end cap of the well and then states in no uncertain terms that there is trouble, even though I am standing a good ten meters away, stoking the smoker, I get pelted by bees, yes, pelted, it feels as if someone is throwing pebbles at me. I an not alarmed, as I have my bee suit on and I start blowing some smoke at the bees at which moment the smoker dies and I feel the bees being real close to me, as if they were walking on me inside my suit,but I am not worried...<br /><br />...then I see three bees walking across the visor INSIDE my suit, so I worry a bit and decide to calm down as they may sting me if threatened. I start walking away calmly to get away from their "attack zone". I then realize that a bee has started to explore my ear and fails to get inside my ear, I am still calm and keep walking, this bee then moves to my earlobe and I know then that I am going to get stung. By this time there is about five bees inside my suit and in my face and as I start to panic( when a bee stings you, it leaves behind a pheromone that attracts other bees to sting in the same spot). I grab a hand full of long dry grass, as I have drop the useless smoker by now, and then remember that my father in law has my zippo, as he was lighting the other smoker. So smoke is out of the question.<br /><br />Then I got Stung, on the earlobe, and the little blighter wasn't even trying to get away, I felt it sitting there waiting to die. This whole time I was moving away and found that the bees on then outside had left me and there were only two left inside. Prompted by my father in law, I unzipped my hood, took of my cloves and got out of the suit. I honestly now appreciate the proverbs "to have a bee in your bonnet" and "to make a bee line". So we left it as an unsuccessful day and thought to come back the next day. I found out that the bees entered my suit through the smallest hole in my suit, at the zipper.<br /><br />Today.My father in law was up at about three this morning and was reading about bees. He later went and removed the the queen guard from the hive, and now the bees seem to bee happy, I think they are settled and they were seen today flying in and out probably to collect food. As soon as they start carrying pollen to the hive, we can move them to their own hive.<br /><br />Busy busy, So I am of to the windpomp again, this time the holes are patched.<br />Until next time.<br /><br />ps: sorry that there aren't pictures today.Smokehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150507433936703371noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327710589108750090.post-34457945680690065542010-06-15T18:40:00.008+02:002010-06-15T19:16:23.336+02:00Gone baby goneAh, Beekeeping. Relaxing, therapeutic, not to mention the money you can make.<br /><br />Only, you need bees. So on Saturday we got more equipment, hives, stands,etc. The catchers we put up produced no bees as the swarm we targeted upped and left. Not surprising as it is the worst month for beekeeping. So we place some catcher hives on the shed roof, and placed one hive next to the yard. But Monday was a whole different story.<br />At about nine o'clock we were greeted by this..<br /><br /><div style="text-align: justify;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibyTaELgxBOg0RQZa8ONOA88RuDnknlEdql2bxItSpbml30-dW9BaILrBVdM2WFRhrddIapMtK1Ku3zgcq6q4KmEhKvnj9jW9GnRo9o7lHsNlbfVNi0ycWf5FG-M8fw__HHwp3zExkaPD3/s1600/06.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 651px; height: 644px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibyTaELgxBOg0RQZa8ONOA88RuDnknlEdql2bxItSpbml30-dW9BaILrBVdM2WFRhrddIapMtK1Ku3zgcq6q4KmEhKvnj9jW9GnRo9o7lHsNlbfVNi0ycWf5FG-M8fw__HHwp3zExkaPD3/s400/06.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5483043608069894050" border="0" /></a><br /></div><span style="font-size:78%;">BEES AT THE ENTRANCE TO THE HIVE OUTSIDE THE YARD.<br /><br /></span><br />Unfortunately, the camera I used couldn't capture what the eye was seeing. Because the hives was standing outside, seven of them, bees came streaming in. And it seemed like about five hives were being occupied. I was super stoked, and didn't want to go back to work (as I had quickly slipped home to see what was happening). They were all over the place and it looked promising.<br /><br />I got on the phone and started calling around and organizing some spots to place our soon to be filled hives. Little did I know...<br />By the time I got home at four, the bees were gone. Only a few remained in one hive and they didn't look very busy. By this morning, there were none.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWZDGmKWipQfMT4sc6KQZJuLG3hYOoQVVCEeHc4ccSS5sPnFDOe74cQ9VTl4qoCPHFMzcxDvBV9eKfxgO08sV68TgBtB6GUwdEi6T63baPdPQBCt3zjP1HYTSC3RCO2u8M9RDxmW-bsbaO/s1600/01.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 442px; height: 331px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWZDGmKWipQfMT4sc6KQZJuLG3hYOoQVVCEeHc4ccSS5sPnFDOe74cQ9VTl4qoCPHFMzcxDvBV9eKfxgO08sV68TgBtB6GUwdEi6T63baPdPQBCt3zjP1HYTSC3RCO2u8M9RDxmW-bsbaO/s400/01.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5483047193237237986" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:78%;">ONLY A FEW BEES REMAIN<br /></span></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;">Well, it is just one of those things. But at least we will get there. Till next time, a few more pics.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9VBmvE7Z31ajJQIt6KeD_oxtTp0MFna79QWCdcfkOC7Pis5iUvClPxSFWldeTR1J8WXsuxGJiFOetfiKUli4_-RYU3f6Av4BfcSD5HuvTDdKZufjLY4T2nKrchEdf79kNFG75Bah4_yrE/s1600/05.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 515px; height: 386px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9VBmvE7Z31ajJQIt6KeD_oxtTp0MFna79QWCdcfkOC7Pis5iUvClPxSFWldeTR1J8WXsuxGJiFOetfiKUli4_-RYU3f6Av4BfcSD5HuvTDdKZufjLY4T2nKrchEdf79kNFG75Bah4_yrE/s400/05.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5483048541206426482" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTkC_3TcNEVtbDrPAWI-RLbrU0LcfQn7wkXEuUo8DpNEO1b0vZKGEm0GMT-L-0x2d9Y31ejOx2R5hxkwEMcC66-_AXhcVRngyZwWLzxNSUZvkqi_fxafBFSxVpyYduz1QDhmy2Ovu7nW4n/s1600/03.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 492px; height: 368px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTkC_3TcNEVtbDrPAWI-RLbrU0LcfQn7wkXEuUo8DpNEO1b0vZKGEm0GMT-L-0x2d9Y31ejOx2R5hxkwEMcC66-_AXhcVRngyZwWLzxNSUZvkqi_fxafBFSxVpyYduz1QDhmy2Ovu7nW4n/s400/03.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5483048537226414882" border="0" /></a></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:78%;">IF I HAD JOAN'S PHOTOGRAPHY SKILLS, I WOULD HAVE SEEN THESE GUYS DIDN'T BRING LUGGAGE</span><br /></div>Smokehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150507433936703371noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327710589108750090.post-46915362546911569022010-06-09T22:12:00.012+02:002010-06-10T00:05:13.277+02:00Honey is the BUZZ wordI fear I don't have enough life to live. Meaning, I have so many ambitions, that I don't think I can ever get to them all.<br /><br />One of these ambitions was to be a bee keeper and honey farmer, just one of many "it would be nice to do" things, not really having any way of getting started, until last year.<br />My Mother-in-law left her job to be a full time baby minder for my wife and my son. So she thought of ways to have an income while being at home, and one of these were honey. So earlier this year, my Father-in-law lost his job due to unforeseen reasons, and the need for an income intensified.<br /><br />So with the help of my Father, I found an old beekeeper, and not only did he offer to sell us an all you need, beekeeping "stater kit" but was also willing to share his fifty odd years of beekeeping knowledge and experience,only, the price tag was way more than all of us had to spend.So with the help of my wife's accountant uncle, we managed to get financing from my M-I-L's brother and F-I-L's cousin, who both saw the golden opportunity. Golden opportunity you ask? Well, The greatest part of honey in South Africa, is imported, as there are only a few large scale honey producers in the country, therefor it is a viable market.<br /><br />This all took a few months to work out as there were traveling up and down and meetings with our would be supplier and then finally, about a month ago, payments were made. And today, some of the equipment was fetched. In fact, we now have eleven catcher hives, two protective veils, two smokers, a hive brush, and a hive tool. The rest is on its way. We also have the location of two bee colonies, and will be placing a catcher hive tomorrow to get our first colony.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO1pwjXJYujuW9c2KrWz4gyaTadhD5mJlIvg8Ayrt6d_MeJWEdzAAJXJAY9Zki8Fc21PMSAvGdsW9PWs5gkeMjmlxWPecaw-dNr10DP2NQmlXOD8zs4zb1DUpBewwYAQsBmL09jQZ5LuWI/s1600/bee004.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 204px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO1pwjXJYujuW9c2KrWz4gyaTadhD5mJlIvg8Ayrt6d_MeJWEdzAAJXJAY9Zki8Fc21PMSAvGdsW9PWs5gkeMjmlxWPecaw-dNr10DP2NQmlXOD8zs4zb1DUpBewwYAQsBmL09jQZ5LuWI/s320/bee004.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5480884489155474546" border="0" /></a> <span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">SOME OF THE CATCHER HIVES<br /><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: left;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiROy5BIi4O4yjUd8LfN4GTbSfDhIpk-X6J-NyVKASJKNH98_N_dB-sW7slxOFexC_UMFQAw2kj2xSkgmOgzjswaNO-G19m7m9NstY7ws2YenuC-AhN0op_ZUGssj2TRf2V5M4VTULmMTgX/s1600/bee009.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 126px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiROy5BIi4O4yjUd8LfN4GTbSfDhIpk-X6J-NyVKASJKNH98_N_dB-sW7slxOFexC_UMFQAw2kj2xSkgmOgzjswaNO-G19m7m9NstY7ws2YenuC-AhN0op_ZUGssj2TRf2V5M4VTULmMTgX/s200/bee009.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5480886806040308322" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLa3snnF_fxEZQN1BhsSkl3NXxp7ljVqAhIoE1QEweFChc_Fvd2zrGBk-CHcUlRmrX6VQQTkhfk2-uc8QNcCz9GsYNvVu2xQiZ5YnWvSWuUzet-D9hudR_5LkzyWW2dl-ypXND5QUJmnRK/s1600/bee008.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 139px; height: 155px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLa3snnF_fxEZQN1BhsSkl3NXxp7ljVqAhIoE1QEweFChc_Fvd2zrGBk-CHcUlRmrX6VQQTkhfk2-uc8QNcCz9GsYNvVu2xQiZ5YnWvSWuUzet-D9hudR_5LkzyWW2dl-ypXND5QUJmnRK/s200/bee008.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5480889984136451106" border="0" /></a> </div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> BEE'S ENTRANCE IN</span></span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> CATCHER HIVE<br /><br /></span></span><div style="text-align: left;">We are getting our hives soon and we have all ready scouted a few locations to place them, but are still looking for more. Specifically areas with Eucalyptus trees, as this is an all year round supplier, and Aloes, as it is also a recurring food source for bees, and also Aloe honey can be marketed for medicinal use.<br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHxhE5ix-cNN3twVjRaxWYFdQpUyg1x7LYZKcNMv1FwBAGiQDXo46Wi7s7SkNFdUX1UChIbakWfjlKLTARZJcZkbrYY7a8u3694P9EWsN3ZBVUxS6q_kAQjcpVPaL-LijJb9Z-oFxl5heK/s1600/bee007.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 114px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHxhE5ix-cNN3twVjRaxWYFdQpUyg1x7LYZKcNMv1FwBAGiQDXo46Wi7s7SkNFdUX1UChIbakWfjlKLTARZJcZkbrYY7a8u3694P9EWsN3ZBVUxS6q_kAQjcpVPaL-LijJb9Z-oFxl5heK/s200/bee007.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5480893344507578130" border="0" /></a><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">HONEY RACKS<br />INSIDE A<br />CATCHING HIVE<br /></span></span><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;">Making honey is an all year procedure, except for June, as this is the worst month for honey in South Africa. The rest of the year is broken up into short seasons which will require moving hives around for different food sources according to different plants' flowering period.<br /><br />We will be starting out with 12 hives to get the feeling for it, and then, hopefully, by the end of the year expand to twenty hive, which will incrementally rise in hive number. And soon, who knows? you might one day find some of our honey on the shelves of your local store. But let me not get ahead of myself.<br /><div style="text-align: right;"><br /></div>Until then, I will keep you updated</div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq-R8lrbcQJGqE3nJGxUGVQBRy94X9xHX_d_TvxG5OR4mjExnLyPjJ5cTCvTQ8Qx-aa3EQVISO5TJRHTWfTi1TOVNlfu7USHWBfd5mkCxYfa98ExuW_2_FzDFY_O1UGyLKfKyzwVZ30Bwg/s1600/bee003.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 162px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq-R8lrbcQJGqE3nJGxUGVQBRy94X9xHX_d_TvxG5OR4mjExnLyPjJ5cTCvTQ8Qx-aa3EQVISO5TJRHTWfTi1TOVNlfu7USHWBfd5mkCxYfa98ExuW_2_FzDFY_O1UGyLKfKyzwVZ30Bwg/s200/bee003.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5480894191252466594" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1PBsuTRk1s-zJQEm15UJeLtCfHWTswx8Jf2B1oiAtQfWryr1P_qqHCbf8meXO_0NVEiacZyhXbdWZ7TK9zEqK-Z325zrDzFVRUn_lfyY3vCqBD4kAHq5nTeE-P32CGKU7tJM7CQNINE_4/s1600/bee001.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 99px; height: 166px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1PBsuTRk1s-zJQEm15UJeLtCfHWTswx8Jf2B1oiAtQfWryr1P_qqHCbf8meXO_0NVEiacZyhXbdWZ7TK9zEqK-Z325zrDzFVRUn_lfyY3vCqBD4kAHq5nTeE-P32CGKU7tJM7CQNINE_4/s200/bee001.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5480895241343658514" border="0" /></a></div><div style="text-align: right;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1PBsuTRk1s-zJQEm15UJeLtCfHWTswx8Jf2B1oiAtQfWryr1P_qqHCbf8meXO_0NVEiacZyhXbdWZ7TK9zEqK-Z325zrDzFVRUn_lfyY3vCqBD4kAHq5nTeE-P32CGKU7tJM7CQNINE_4/s1600/bee001.jpg"> <br /></a></div> <div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: right;"> </div></div> <div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">1. SMOKERS </span></span><br /></div><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">2. HIVE BRUSH<br />3. HIVE TOOL<br />AND ONE OF THE VEILS<br /></span></span></div><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span></div></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></div></div></div>Smokehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150507433936703371noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327710589108750090.post-42830422139553618312010-06-05T08:11:00.007+02:002010-06-05T11:26:02.696+02:00WORDZZLE 112IF this was a perfect world, and I was the writer I dream to be, you all would be jumping up, screaming and giving all round high fives. Yes The saga of mister Monroe continues...<br /><br />Another Wordzzle (<a href="http://ravensviews.blogspot.com/2008/02/wordzzles.html">HERE</a> are the rules) and these are the words.<br /><br />(5 word)<strong>:</strong> <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">gone gravity</span>, <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">variable</span>, <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">swinging on a star</span>, <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">gardening</span>, <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">trombone</span><br /><br /><br />(10 word challenge)<strong>: </strong><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">carpenter ants</span>, <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">freak</span>, <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">good as new</span>, <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">jelly beans</span>, <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">olive oil</span>, <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">scamper</span>, <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">champion</span>, <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">goose egg</span>, <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">pizza</span>, <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">ceiling fan</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">...This is the story so far... Mr Monroe, An avid salesman, though he hates it, has been stranded on a deserted island for a few months, after being chucked off a cruise ship by his rival, over a certain seven figure contract. The story continues, with our hapless hero starting to enjoy the island life.... a bit to much.</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><br /><br />"<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">gone gravity</span>, gone" he yells out as he dives off the cliff. Care free and unrestrained, Monroe plummets to the surface of the rock pool he found a couple of days after landing on the island. It was by accident, as a few hours earlier he found a shrub with fruit, about the size of a <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">goose egg</span>. After tasting it, he swore that it had the same flavor and texture as <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">jelly beans</span>. Little did he know that these particular berries, contain hallucinogens and before Monroe knew it, he was <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">swinging on a star</span>, floating across the island, when he went over the cliff, and ended up in the pond. From then on, it became his bathtub.</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><br /><br />He entered the water like a brick at the Olympics, and still scored himself a 9,6. "I am still the diving <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">champion</span> on this island" he cried out. The sun was steadily rising through the trees as he had to <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">scamper</span> out onto the small beach, he grabbed his, by now, sleeveless shirt and ran off through the jungle to Landing beach. He had started building a raft one day, with no help from the Jelly bean fruit. He would later on in life have sworn that he did it with the help from a platoon of <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">carpenter ants</span> and various pieces of wood. He later discovered to his dismay, that the ants was only good for feasting on his home-made <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">gardening</span> tools and that none of the materials used for the raft actually floated as the steel-like wood was to heavy.</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><br /><br />He did how ever find that the raft made quite a good signal fire when one day he dropped a bottle of <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">olive oil</span>, that he had made himself ("well it looks like olives, and it tastes like olives. hey!! is that a <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">trombone</span> I hear playing 'Smoke on the water? Dammit, Jelly beans all over again') on the raft. At that very moment, by some <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">freak</span> accident, lightning struck some where in the middle of the island. </span><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><br /><br />The next day though, he went down to the raft and lit it with a torch from his home fire he had made on day two. Now Monroe was heading there to place more green foliage on it to get his daily smoke signal. He nearly attracted a ship once, or should I say, he once, attracted nearly a ship. It was in fact a flotilla of debris, doing its world tour.</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><br /><br />But not today, for some reason Monroe felt lucky today. Firstly, he found some berries that actually didn't have a mind altering affect. Secondly, his new home made tools actually survived the ants for once, and thirdly, there was no rain last night, so fixing the signal fire only required adding a few pieces of the flotilla, (which he swam out to and retrieved) and new greenery, and light it. He had to feel lucky because he just used the last of his "olive oil" which actually burned like jet fuel. ("heck, if I had wheels and <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">variable</span> speed gearbox, I could set up a world Island speed record") And it would take at least two more weeks before his new batch was ready.</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><br /><br />When the fire stack was as <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">good as new</span>, he lit the "fuel" and the fire roared into life. A few minutes later, white smoke was billowing up as if a new Pope was elected, And Monroe felt strangely at ease. To no one in particular he said, " today, I am getting of this Island. And the first thing I will do, Is have a Pepperoni <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">Pizza</span>, with extra cheese, thank you." Monroe then lay back, and stared off into the distance. He enjoyed this part of the day most. Watching pods of dolphins galloping by, or to see the occasional Humpback, breach on the horizon, which was exactly what he was now looking at. From the distance, he saw an unknown seabird, fly from the direction of the whale and he could almost imagine it to have taken off from the whale. itself.</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><br /><br />He did this for a couple more minutes, then got up and walked off into the forest to look for something to eat. He picked what was probably totally harmless berries and plopped a handful into his mouth. And then the sound struck him. It sounded as if an over sized <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">ceiling fan</span> got loose and was now hunting for dust bunnies. Monroe frantically started scurrying for the berry bush. "Did I just eat the orange berries with the blue flowers again?" He panicked, as he was sure it was an early onset of the 'Full Metal Jacket' trip again. "WHOP WHOP WHOP WHOP" sounded the military choppers, at least no gun fire, yet. "MONROE!" "Oh crap, Charly is onto me" Monroe headed to the beach, " How did they find out my name?" "Monroe, Are you in there? We saw the smoke. Come out".<br /><br />As Monroe stepped out, of the jungle path, he first saw the red and green Helicopter, and on it something resembling the company Logo. And walking towards him, dressed in a garish avocado green safari suit, was the Boss himself. He held onto his wide brim straw hat, as the blades ripped at it. "Thank god we Found you Monroe, come on, the boat is waiting out there" he was pointing towards the whale. "Is this real sir, only, I have been having bad luck with the local cuisine." At that moment, Mr Kent was heading towards him from the Bell 407, sporting his usual cheap cut gray suite. " Thank heavens your alive, why didn't you get the contract?" " I guess I am not hallucinating, but just to be sure", Monroe punched Mr Kent in the nose. "Whad da fug wad dat for?Did dew thee dat Bob?" "just a reality check Kent, lets get you out of here Monroe". "Just a moment sir, just want to get my bag".<br /><br />Monroe headed up to the edge of the jungle where his make shift shelter was and grabbed his bag, which contained about a pound of "olives" and three jars of fermented "olive oil" ( the jars were in the bottom of the crate that landed on the island with Monroe) "just a few items to remind me of the home I had here sir" (and a nice pension plan, if I hand it over to my R & D buddy at that fuel company, along with the co-ordinates of the island) " You don't happen to have the position of this here Island sir?" well of course Monroe, but I don't think any of us has reason ever to return here?" "No sir, this place is as barren as a mule sir". </span>Smokehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150507433936703371noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327710589108750090.post-38297717360164799072010-05-31T20:25:00.004+02:002010-05-31T21:43:09.752+02:00Unity, Blue, UbuntuIn South Africa we have two major sports codes. Soccer (football for non South Africans) and Rugby union, or just plain rugby. Soccer is traditionally a black sport and finds its home grounds in places such as Mmamelodi and SOWETO which is the biggest location in our country. Professional Soccer matches are often played on Rugby fields such as Loftus and Ellis Park.<br /><br />Rugby on the other hand is mostly a white sport and has never been seen played professionally on any Soccer field such as Orlando Stadium.... until two weeks ago.<br /><br />2010 is a spectacular year for South Africa, as we are hosting the FIFA Football World cup, the first for the continent. As this is such a huge event, nine new stadiums has been built to accommodate the matches, and others has been upgraded. Because of this, Some Rugby Stadiums will be used for the World cup, one of which is Loftus Versfeldt in Pretoria. Loftus is home to the Blue Bulls franchise which is the Provincial side "the Blue Bulls" and the Super 14 side "The Vodacom Bulls".<br /><br />For those who don't know, the Super 14 is an international contest between Provincial teams from South Africa, Australia and New Zealand. And from next year it will be Known as the Super 15, as a team from Argentina will also compete.<br /><br />Now back to the matter. As Loftus is one of the World Cup venues, The Bulls had two years ago agreed that if it should happen that they had a Home semi final and or home final this year, they would use another stadium as home base, as the dates would conflict with the handing over of Loftus to FIFA. Many different venues were scouted but for some reason one and only one made perfect sense. ORLANDO Stadium.. Home to local Soccer Powerhouse, Orlando Pirates.<br /><br />Orlando Stadium is located smack in the middle of Soweto and about a Kilometer down the road from Soccer City, Bafana Bafana (South African National Soccer team) home ground. As the Bulls had secured a home semi final, Afrikanerdom was heading to Valakazi street Soweto.<br /><br />Please note, the greater part of Bulls supporters are white Afrikaans males, the same guys whose fathers and grandfathers created Apartheid and places like Soweto and some of these guys last set foot in this township armed with assault rifles and in military vehicles. The truth is 85% of white South Africans feel that they will be<br /><br />a. Robbed <br />b. Raped <br />c. Murdered<br />or<br />d. All of the above<br />if they set foot in Soweto.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://cdn.24.com/files/Cms/General/d/577/3561b60530f14fe1804e8e6db4df3c11.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 179px; height: 187px;" src="http://cdn.24.com/files/Cms/General/d/577/3561b60530f14fe1804e8e6db4df3c11.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />So amazed was the country when on semi final Saturday none of this happened, in fact the Monday newspapers were stacked with photos of blue clad whites drinking beer in tin shacks along with their black brothers, side by side. I was elated to see it as I then thought that this is the real beginning of the change.<br /><br />And low and behold, the next week was the final, again at Orlando, and Bulls supporters was welcomed by the locals like old friends. And Bulls were grateful to be all<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://cdn.24.com/files/Cms/General/d/577/b8a11c95680b4e30a35dc80f583f42e2.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 237px; height: 351px;" src="http://cdn.24.com/files/Cms/General/d/577/b8a11c95680b4e30a35dc80f583f42e2.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>owed to return.<br /><br />This is just the beginning of a great wave, set in motion in 1995 by Nelson Mandela, as can be seen in the movie INVICTUS.<br /><br />Today I am not just a proud Bulls fan, but a Proud South AfricanSmokehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150507433936703371noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327710589108750090.post-39489278032021976622010-05-01T16:29:00.003+02:002010-05-01T17:07:48.351+02:00I found the missing kruger pounds......I hope that will draw attention to my blog. Anyway, I have been AWOL since the beginning of the year. here follows the reason/excuse and what happened since then.<br /><br />As I didn't have an anti-virus (I know and I have rectified) my laptop got over infected with viruses, and the punk who sent them apparently lay awake for days waiting for me to reconnect so they could continue helping themselves to my data. After about a month, I finally got everything right.<br /><br />Further, my baby boy was born and that took up a lot of time. Then my Jack Russel had puppies, my father in law then got accused of being Lex Luther, mother in law left work, brother in law got retrenched. I studied up and became an expert on the validity of the polygraph. Wife got flu, Baby got flu, then I got flu. A black dumb ass tried to whip up a white massacre, then the great white jack ass got killed in his bed, with his pants down, then everyone started the blame game.<br /><br />Then the dumb ass stooped even lower to abolish the free press, and another white jack ass failed to handle the free press. all the time planet earth are trying to shake us monkeys off her back, but still we don't get the hint. On that, Doesn't any one else find it strange, all these natural disasters we are having?<br /><br />This all happened, the truth is, I have been getting home late for the past few months and were to tired to blog, But now I am back.Smokehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150507433936703371noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327710589108750090.post-86641696133727282592010-01-15T20:52:00.007+02:002010-01-15T23:24:43.268+02:00WORDZZLE 95Another wordzzle. For more info, visit the <a href="http://ravensviews.blogspot.com/">raven's nest</a>. Here goes..<br /><br />(10 word challenge)<strong>:</strong> alternate reality, shadows, frantic, tomatoes, field, lilies, DVD, snow mobile, aggravation, music<br /><br />(5 word)<strong>:</strong> grounds for divorce, pink panther, salutations, wavering, lasagne<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">...I find myself on a desert Island, and to no fault of my own, let me tell you. In an </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">alternate reality</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">, there would probably be some maidens trooping around here somewhere, hiding up a palm tree, or spying on me from the nearby, jungle </span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">shadows</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">The meaning of this you ask? Well, last Tuesday, Wendy, the bosses Secretary has me on the line and informs me that the boss will grant me a short meeting. something is up, as I never requested any such thing. Immediately, the theme </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">music</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> for the </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">Pink Panther</span> <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">starts playing in my head as I suspect a plot is about to thicken.</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> So I head up to the penthouse office. "He will see you now" Wendy spiels. The oblong framed glasses, tightly buned hair, impaled by Chinese </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">cutlery, and of course the suite. </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I am </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">sure here apartment has an assortment of Inquisitional devices, and none of them are for the aesthetics. I give a short rap on a slab of what I suspect to be a two thousand year old red wood, and then enter. I am almost disappointed when the door doesn't creek ominously.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">"Sit down Mr Monroe, You will have My full attention in a moment." Amazing how he can verbalise a capital. "I believe you know Mr Kent?" I think of the little script I have running on the finance server named </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">DUNE</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">, and I am almost </span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">frantic</span> </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">with fear until I remember a certain <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">DVD</span>, containing explicit images that would certainly be <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">grounds for divorce</span>, If the wife of our head of accounting ever saw it. "Of course sir, How is the wife and kids these days? Janette informs me the books keep you in the office, into the wee hours" That should drive it home. "ah.. uhm.. ahum.. Yes, yes, well we tend to keep busy, and my P.A is such a necessity at those times." Janette: aka P.A aka DVD subject #2. "I believe you wanted to see me sir" the sound of honey. " Mr. Kent here was just telling me about the marvelous job you have done over in the east." " An asset to the company,Bob, Was my words." gibbering git. " That will be all Kent, don't let me Detain you." Ten bucks says he is off to security to remove any evidence. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">" So Monroe, I seldom do, but I must agree with Kent, Equipping the Sheik's Private hospital, even after the whole Bin Laden debacle, is quite amazing." "Harder than driving a </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">snow mobile</span> out of a viper pit, let me tell you Sir, but not <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">impossible." " Yes, yes. I do believe you have a way with the impossible..." Hold plot over medium heat and stir, and you will see it thicken. "... That is why I want to send you on a two week cruise in the Caribbean, As a gesture of thanks." I look up and wonder If I can see the puppeteer. "Will this trip be business or pleasure, Sir?" " No, pleasure, definitely... But. well, I so happen to be Tee mates with the ship's captain, and he agreed to seat you at his table for the trip, so If you happen to meet, oh, I don't know, The Medical head of the liner, You might have a proposition for him?" And then I was off on my cruise.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Aggravation</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> can only lightly describe what I am feeling. Mr Yeng, my prospective client, has been </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">wavering</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> in his resolve, on and off since I introduced him to Our marvelous range in "mednology" and I suspect other agents are afoot, so I take a chance. "Lets be honest Mr Yeng, I know about the other offer that has been presented to you. I just want to know who they sent." thumbs crossed." Look, Mr. James said I shouldn't let you know about his involvement, but..." Aha! So MEDPRO QS is involved, I thought I spotted James on the Lido deck last night. "Listen to me Yeng, if you look closely at the strawberry </span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">field</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> he is offering you, you will in fact find </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">tomatoes</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">. Don't get me wrong, nothing better than tomatoes, same nutritional value as strawberries, but look, passengers come aboard your fleet and expect Strawberries and cream, tomatoes they can have at home." And that was that.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Or so I thought..</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Out on the deck, no one in sight, enjoying an after supper smoke. "</span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Salutations</span> Monroe" dripping smugness. "James." I offer in response. "Not the supper I expected on a cruise like this, but I <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">suppose the budget is going elsewhere. Those tomatoes were ghastly, don't you think?" The ball drops. " Look James, Business is business, and I very well enjoyed the</span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"> lasagne</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">." " I am sure you have, but true, business is etcetera. I will be off then, only, tell me. White or yellow?" " I don't quite Understand?" The </span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">lilies</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> I should send for your memorial, enjoy your trip."accompanied by a sudden shove "Huh?" and then I was falling.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Two days later, I washed up on this Island with, ironically, a case of strawberries and no maidens to share it with. Maybe I can build a coconut phone.</span>Smokehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150507433936703371noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327710589108750090.post-70729454540426705052010-01-08T21:52:00.004+02:002010-01-09T00:24:45.930+02:00WORDZZLE 94This is my first attempt at a WORDZZLE so please bare with me. If you want to join in, these are this weeks words. For those of you new to the game please visit the ever wonderful Raven at <a href="http://ravensviews.blogspot.com/">http://ravensviews.blogspot.com/</a><br /><br />(10 word challenge) space cadet, silver lining, wood, turtle soup, minaret, ice, grease, sales, mandala, mug<br /><br />(5 word) broken bones, slide rule, garbage, Chinese, sanguine<br /><br /><br /><br />I barely know what country I am in these days. I have been plane hopping since six months ago and I am beginning to think that getting into<span style="font-weight: bold;"> sales</span> was not such a create idea. "Go to interesting places, meet interesting people", heck, if I had joined the Army, I would at least have the option to kill them. And the desert countries are the worst. Sand, wind, sun, it is no day at the beach, let me tell you. And I often wonder what a huge chunk of <span style="font-weight: bold;">ice</span> would do for this place. I heard they now have an indoor ski resort.The food is the worst. Last night I had what I thought to be <span style="font-weight: bold;">Turtle soup</span>, only, I suspect they made it with something out a <span style="font-weight: bold;">garbage</span> bin or tortoise, as this is a desert. Also, it went through the system very slowly. I am one who enjoys recognising my food at face value<br /><br />At least I was set up in a nice hotel. At this point I should mention a certain desert state building shaped like a boat's sail, yes in deed, I could see it all the way from my room's window. At least the Shaik was interested in item<span style="font-style: italic;"> #119 LIVER PRO DI-AL 411</span> a piece of medical equipment so robust, you could install and use it in a cave.<br /><br />In the here and now, I suspect I am somewhere in the east, well, more east. it seems there is a <span style="font-weight: bold;">Minaret</span> spiralling up around every corner from where someone is singing an invite to prayer. Personally, I prefer the Buddhists. A lovely crafted <span style="font-weight: bold;">Mandala</span> has always given me that feeling of tranquility and peace. I unload another few units at a government hospital, and head of to my next destination, somewhere <span style="font-weight: bold;">Chinese</span> I think, damn.<br /><br />The problem is this. A year ago I was A tele-sales rep for an art supply company, it didn't end well. Artist are not easy people, especially a <span style="font-weight: bold;">space cadet</span> who takes Mary Jane on an Acid trip as a muse,neither are management. My very last call, on my very last day at the company,after only a week, went something like this:<br />"..Garrett & <span style="font-weight: bold;">Wood</span>, purveyors of fine art supplies, how may I help you today?"<br />"..yes sir, oils, water colours, oil pastels.."<br />".. definitely sir, framed as well as unframed, fitted to you specification."<br />"..all colours of course.."<br />".. jade? Isn't that a kind of green.."<br />".. but when it comes down to it, it is green.."<br />"..look, I am new here.."<br />".. well that may be true.."<br />".. sure you are, but as I see it, amber and ivory are basically just yellow.."<br />".. well in fact I don't call it <span style="font-weight: bold;">sanguine</span>.."<br />".. maybe because red doesn't sound like an illness.."<br />".. BECAUSE I AM NOT A PRETENTIOUS ..."<br />"..I DON'T CARE WHO YOU CALL.."<br />".. OH YOU ARE, WELL IN THAT CASE MR. WOOD.."<br />".. WELL YOU CAN'T.."<br />".. BECAUSE I QUIT.."<br /><br />The <span style="font-weight: bold;">silver lining</span> came only a few months later with a sales job entailing luxurious international travel, and a <span style="font-weight: bold;">mug</span> with a company logo, not bad since the other side reads.. <span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">" you dont have to be crazy to work here, but it helps!!.."</span></span><br /><br />I don't think the Chinese take to modern medical equipment to well or anything modern really, well, mostly in the rural country side. their answer to the computer, pocket calculator and <span style="font-weight: bold;">slide rule</span>, are all - the abacus. But still they have clients to our company. Even though they mend <span style="font-weight: bold;">broken bones </span>with a mixture of yak butter, axle <span style="font-weight: bold;">grease</span> and rice stalks, they still need item <span style="font-style: italic;">#316 C.T.H.R.U anti-GAMMA bone density VISTA</span> to locate the fracture.<br /><br />After a month of sales, I ponder on the advantages of an exotic vacation, some place foreign. My own home should do.Smokehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150507433936703371noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327710589108750090.post-87859637017980299322010-01-02T00:03:00.002+02:002010-01-02T01:53:30.260+02:00Bobby Danger And the incredible ass holeNow imagine being surounded by the pitch black of night, and the only light visible is a stabbing shaft from above. Now imagine the warm and musty air that reeks of frightened, slightly confused animals. And all this while not wearing any trousers. Im getting ahead of myself, lets go back to the beginning of this day.<br /><br />I am on my way to work, but not before I drop my car off for some body work. As I check my rear view mirror, I glimps this head disappear behind a bush. I drive futher and spot a different donkey starring at me untill he realises Im looking, he swings around and starts reading a news paper, upside down. So as I approch the entrance to the repair shop, I have to hit the brakes. One of the amizingly suspicious donkeys of the area is crouched down low awaitng my arrival. Im not fazed as I have training for these situations, see, I am...<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">BOBBY DANGER: RURAL POLICE<br /><br /></span>So I slam the car into reverse and head for the other entrance, only to find three donkeys waiting for me, wearing black berrets and dark glasses. Thats when I start<span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span>to regret my choices.<br /><br />None of this was unprovoked see<span style="font-weight: bold;">. <span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span>A few weeks ago the Inspector comes to me and says," Robert, youz know all doze casings of beers we have standing in the back, the ones we get from da raids on the elegal taverns?" the ones I 'disposed' of at my friend Patience's establishment. " Yes sir, what about them?" " Well we just gets some new ones in, so take da lot of thems and go pours them down the drain.." new stock, ka ching "...and I will come checking in on you, so no funny business, Robert" screwed by the man "yes sir, on my way, just one question sir? Does the drain not run out into an open stream where all kinds of animals can access it?" "Dont youz warry bout that my boy, it is only dumb donkeys" And that was the famous last word, long story short, the donkeys took a liking to the booze and when it ran out, they started hassling the locals for more until it got out of hand and some guy got injured, and the donkey become dog food. since then I have been a marked man, as donkeys dont listen to reasoning. Back to today...<br /><br />At work the boss man informs me of a ring of live stock thefts that has been happening in other policing areas and the suspects has been traced to our area and its for me to find them, or as the Inspector said it.. "you Robert, you must goes and find eiver the thiefs or da animals" and then I was off.<br /><br />Our information lead me into the nearby mountains, and I have to abandon my vehicle as I can only drive through trees while in a drug altered state of mind, wich is not the current situation. I walk for what feel like miles, which is fine, as I am an outdoors person. I feel as if Bear Grylls is my mentor and I go nowhere without my Zippo or Leatherman. So I am walking when... nothing, well, atleast that is what is underneath my feet, so I drop, down, dow... stop. I find myself hanging upside down, my belt hooked on a branch. I see the ground and it is about four feet down. I undo me belt and I drop again, as I land, I roll and drop again.... Lucky I land on something soft. Well atleast I found the live stock, damn irony.<br /><br />So here I am, in the present, down a twenty five foot hole. surrounded by about thirty donkeys. Lucky they are not local, wich means my status to them is neutral, or so I thought.<span style="font-weight: bold;"> <span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span>I reach for my Zippo, look up, and see it and my leatherman glinting down at me. My thoughts move to Mr. Grylls and realise I cant make a fire using a rock and a donkey, no matter how hard you hit it. And then my world goes black....<br /><br />I wake up what feels like hours later and find myself at Patience's place. I touch my fore head and it stings, I feel again and find a hoove shaped welt. Apparently, I found the "stolen" donkeys and they were actually an Ass militia rounded up to get me, well now they are<span style="font-weight: bold;"> fido's </span>lunch. Then Patience found me, and brought me back here. Only one thing left to do...<br />"Patience, Get the truck, I have some 'disposal of exhibits' to get to."<span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span><br /></span>Smokehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150507433936703371noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327710589108750090.post-64882122476169625322009-12-28T20:20:00.002+02:002009-12-28T20:58:19.968+02:00I got the interweb, and its not what I thought it would be!Its true, came Xmas day, I found a USB modem with hsdpa capability under the tree from mother.<br />Her only condition was one good blog a month, or was it a week? Anyway, this wont be it.<br /><br />Up till know I have been using a sub standard Internet connection, so when I received this technological wonder, I was truly hyped and thankful, not only do I have access to super fast Internet, but also, its free for the next two years.<br /><br />Now I have used a similar connection while visiting mom, so I thought I knew what I was getting myself into,<br />then I went home!<br /><br />So I fire the old notebook up, connect and install the modem, and take a sho' left onto the information super highway, only to find not only that I left the map at home, but also the spare wheel and the Motor.<br /><br />The problem is coverage, the main Cellular network provider in Azania is Vodacom and they are subsidised by Vodafone. We get three basic connections. GPRS(a 1100 Honda), EDGE(the same Honda, with alloy wheels and a sound system) and 3G/hsdpa(BMW M3 GTR).<br />I connect and find I only get EDGE, so I walk around a bit and nothing happens. I then go to Vodacom's coverage map, and after 15 minutes of zooming, I find my hometown, now EDGE is shown in green and 3G in red, only to find my area is in the green with scattered showers of red.<br />I then zoom onto my home and I realise I have been screwed big time.<br /><br /> According to the map, the Red only starts about 100 meters(300ft) away from my house. I don my hiking boots and off I go with laptop in hand to hunt the elusive hsdpa. I'm walking and monitoring at the same time when I strike gold, or Cyan, as the modem indicates hsdpa.<br />The problem is I'm not even close to a house and I am standing in the middle of a train track!!<br />If I move off the track, I lose my baby, and to make it worse is that the train passes every hour or so.<br /><br />Plan of action? to contact the service provider and complain, but only in February, as we don't want to attract their attention just yet. Why? well my brother in law's girlfriend is currently in Australia, and for some reason he is making international calls to her at local rates.<br /><br />Enough said.Smokehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150507433936703371noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327710589108750090.post-83543806199111756662009-11-30T23:10:00.003+02:002009-11-30T23:59:19.189+02:00This post is seven months late.<span style="font-size:100%;">We are going to have a baby. OK, so I have known this for the 30 odd weeks, so I'm writing about it.<br />Its a boy, thank goodness, only one penis to worry about. Anyway, I am extremely excited, even though it doesn't show.<br /><br />This is my second child and my wife's first. with my daughter, I was over shadowed by an over zealous, unbearable, bible thumping, "mother-in-law" (thank Om I never married that girl). anyway, ultra sounds and all round dad things was not allowed (teen pregnancy), so this is my first real pregnancy.</span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs258.snc1/10522_132627885285_733000285_3025223_6262968_n.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 339px; height: 285px;" src="http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs258.snc1/10522_132627885285_733000285_3025223_6262968_n.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:100%;">My wife is probably the luckiest women in the world, as morning sickness, nausea and heartburn missed her. Only now, is she getting some pains as the body is adapting, but that's it.<br /><br />Only thing is that it is getting unbearable and baby must come out soon as she is very uncomfortable. The other day she mentioned to me the first 10 things she will do when baby is born.<br /><br />Here follows the list in no particular order:<br /><br />1. Sleep on her stomach<br /><br />2. Roll around effortlessly on bed<br /><br />3. Have a pain free stretch in the morning</span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs187.snc1/6256_112962205285_733000285_2739780_2904867_n.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 341px; height: 227px;" src="http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs187.snc1/6256_112962205285_733000285_2739780_2904867_n.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><br />4. Bend over and touch feet</span><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><br />5. Care for her own feet again without struggles<br /><br />6. shave her legs as soon as she can reach.<br /><br />7. Have a drink again (she refused to have any alcohol during pregnancy)<br /><br />8. Eat sushi (as you are not allowed to have raw fish while pregnant. the fact<br /> that before, she had never ate sushi, is irrelevant)<br /><br />9. Have a super pain killer that will get all the pains, as the ones allowed while pregnant is SHITE</span><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><br />10. Then Start the rest of her life, loving the baby.<br /><br />Until then, I will Keep you updated.</span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs167.snc1/6256_111321345285_733000285_2715094_3348082_n.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 383px; height: 307px;" src="http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs167.snc1/6256_111321345285_733000285_2715094_3348082_n.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Smokehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150507433936703371noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327710589108750090.post-73193836360940055192009-11-04T20:43:00.003+02:002009-11-06T21:17:28.883+02:00High stakes, low rates (this is not about beef)Sir Richard Brandson, I want to congratulate you on the empire you have created. And on all the amazing feats you have accomplished. You are one of the few modern day men who has found his place in history. After this technological age has passed and Al Gore has hit the delete key on his keyboard to wipe out the internet. And after the American football team beat Brazil, Germany, Italy and Portugal in consecutive Fifa world cup finals, which will cause Hooligan International to take to the streets and burn down all libraries and book stores, then you would still be remembered. As for me, I am a lowly blogger from sunny South Africa, who has but only accomplished to stay alive.<br /><br />I will now tell you a bit about myself. I am a humble Government employee who earns nearly enough to get by monthly. Yet still I choose excelance. For instance, I spent a great part of my income on purchasing a Leatherman multi tool, I was willing to spend it, as I knew I was paying for quality and service, as this product has a hassle free 25 year warranty, just the other day I sent it away for minor repairs and servicing, and it only cost me postage. I also own a few Zippo lighters, and again they dont come cheap, but they also have a life time garantee, so if they break I get them repaired or replaced, free of charge. The cellphone I use, a Nokia, the model I use was a bit pricy, but the multi functunality of it makes it worth it.<br /><br />Terry Pratchett once wrote of Samual Vimes' boots. It went like this. A rich man can afford sturdy expensive boots, that would keep his feet dry for years, which would cost him, lets say, $50 dollars every 7 years. A poor man, who can only afford those $10 boots, would not only have to replace them every year, but would also have constant wet feet. Which only mean that the rich man would save and get richer, and the poor man wont. Now this makes sence to me. So why am I adressing you on this matter?<br /><br />Well, I have for about two years now, been using one of your products here in South Africa, and that is, Virgin Mobile SA. When first it arived, I thought to myself: "that Richard Brandson, he has his head straight on, feet firmly planted." and then I saw the rates. It was incredible, data charges, nearly free, text, virgin to virgin, dirt cheap, and to top it all, at the end of each month, you even gave me free airtime. So before you can say,"nice salt and pepper sellers, can I steal them?" I went over to Virgin mobile. Now as I am one for simplicity, I use my phone for everything, especially the internet. So I was surprised one day to find the proverbial honeymoon to be over. The network would be down, more often than not, airtime wouldnt load via mobile banking etc etc. All these problems where docking up, but my wife and I, we though, "nah, teething problems, theyre still young, and atleast their call center operators dont try to get frisky." so we hang in there. But low and behold, it still went on.<br /><br />And now, two years later, here we are today. My wife is now 24 weeks pregnant and has to drive about 30 kilometers to work at about 06:30 in the morning on a rural road. Lucky she drives with people from work. So she tries to text my and... Message fails, she tries again and again and again, to no preveil. So she tries to phone and again, nothing. Then she contacts the sort me out centre, only to recieve an automated message telling her to try again in 2 hours as they only open at eight. She did that, only she kept getting disconnect. I try to phone and text and I have the same problem. So now I am thinking, "what if she was travelling alone, and something happended?" Well. On the weekend we will be porting our Numbers back to the more expensive, more reliable network, have I mentioned they have 3G and hsdpa.<br /><br />You see, I missed the plot, rather pay more and have the knowledge that you would get service, than taking the bargain that might just cost you dearly. Mr Brandson, sorry, Sir Brandson, it would be nice if I could challenge you to come to South Africa for a month, and in that time, use only virgin mobile SA for all your data needs, telephony, internet, etc. I would even go so far as to wager 10% of my monthy income, against 10% of yours. Hey, if it costs me R700 (about £70) to get you to fix your product, it would be worth it. What do you say? Are you up for a challenge?<br /><br />PS:Before anyone burns down my blog, I know it is Branson and not BrandsonSmokehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150507433936703371noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327710589108750090.post-30071497362161985382009-10-25T21:12:00.006+02:002009-10-26T21:46:39.739+02:00Saving babies<div style="text-align: left;">So its Sunday night 19:30 and I am getting ready to watch The Dark Knight, when I hear this blood churning scream from the bath room. the wife is in there and I know she hates all that crawls or slithers.<br /><br />before I go on : here in South Africa, we have something called, THE BUSHVELD!! and I live smack in the middle of it in a little thatch roof cottage among eight other cottages, so we get quite a few creepies. spiders, snakes, red romans, etc<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMfIopImmE_hA4Knx8-f01rg3HR34TI_AS3vGmEBYICYOZQbz0pe4Q0df2ZUf897gv8PvnClTuGSXu9IiY_30X8ocJ_GHsGEFAQJPXEfolZ6gjgPtpWcQrj2CSTtd5aPpb86xNIp5mDrXa/s1600-h/Ed1075.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 215px; height: 161px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMfIopImmE_hA4Knx8-f01rg3HR34TI_AS3vGmEBYICYOZQbz0pe4Q0df2ZUf897gv8PvnClTuGSXu9IiY_30X8ocJ_GHsGEFAQJPXEfolZ6gjgPtpWcQrj2CSTtd5aPpb86xNIp5mDrXa/s320/Ed1075.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5396984696948483682" border="0" /></a><br />I get to the bathroom and I see something fuzzy crawl in under neath some washing. I lift it up and find a baby bush baby. now this is not that strange to me, as we previously found one in the house as well. they are the cutest little things, and so trusting.<br /><br />so my wife and I decide that we cant keep it, as it is a creature that belongs in the trees, and also, we have cats. so we take the little creature and show it to the other neighbours. while outside, I hear another bush baby calling, and I think its the mother, so I follow the calls as we have many trees about the place and it is dark. when I find the "mother" I also find its distress. one of the neighbourhood cats are in the tree. I grab the cat and chase it away but the "mother" is still calling so I place the baby on a branch and watch its silhouette thanks to some back light.<br /><br />the "mother" comes down and investigate, and then leave. I wait for about five minutes but nothing happens. at this point my wife and I, are deciding whether to save the baby or not while I'm again chasing the cat. the next moment, my wife spots <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyIb0qWsdHOFxJBqSEgFzh1aCGfeiZUUTg4kSIa-q7uhVg9s8K6c4NFqgTd7yfVpubjLdLLvM6udRnefHPkSh1glA-eiPQAEVrYAMxJWZyX5dIzYzj4QSIvRWSGBtA8n5Hf3ZX0W2_y_VH/s1600-h/Ed1079.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 175px; height: 152px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyIb0qWsdHOFxJBqSEgFzh1aCGfeiZUUTg4kSIa-q7uhVg9s8K6c4NFqgTd7yfVpubjLdLLvM6udRnefHPkSh1glA-eiPQAEVrYAMxJWZyX5dIzYzj4QSIvRWSGBtA8n5Hf3ZX0W2_y_VH/s320/Ed1079.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5396984697426188802" border="0" /></a>another baby on the ground under neath the tree, so I pick it up and place it next to the first baby. now I must press how amazing this is, as these creatures are usually very shy. but this mother is sitting within a few feet from me and also I have now handled not one but two babies already.<br /><br />so as I watch the babies, the mother comes down and takes the second one in her mouth and goes up the tree, at this time, the first one starts climbing up the tree as well. so I'm moving around to track the mom and see her leaving to the left on the telephone wire, and as she leaves, another mother comes down into the tree, grabs the first baby and disappears up the tree onto the phone line and exits stage right<br />pursued be a bear.<br /><br />this I think is not an every day experience, even for someone living in the bush, and I just thought I should share it.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW6RkD2qH5_cOauXjSjI2kYcIt_GV4PrqYMdhPpOAX26Vp2tWnxD80RjAgUJGwGiIjUc3RKt07g7GJUmrOOoBh0SzQvkMx8EhFKiU5HCiAD58gT-JtaC2SxeIrv8CB1NT4pT-DoQXmD-II/s1600-h/Ed1074.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 208px; height: 156px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW6RkD2qH5_cOauXjSjI2kYcIt_GV4PrqYMdhPpOAX26Vp2tWnxD80RjAgUJGwGiIjUc3RKt07g7GJUmrOOoBh0SzQvkMx8EhFKiU5HCiAD58gT-JtaC2SxeIrv8CB1NT4pT-DoQXmD-II/s320/Ed1074.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5396984691667414690" border="0" /></a><br /><br />PS: pardon the photos, I only had my phone with me at the time<br /></div>Smokehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150507433936703371noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327710589108750090.post-87303835577887254342009-09-17T10:20:00.005+02:002009-09-17T11:27:38.649+02:00What I have, and what I want!They say, the difference between men and boys are the size and price of there toys. Well it is true, as happy as I am with the grown up life, I often wish I was still nine years old.<br /><br />I love toys, all kinds of toys and I have a few, but I have also a list of toys that I want. So here follows the two lists:<br /><br />TOYS I HAVE.<br />1. a YOKOMO YR-4 M2 PRO r/c racing model with a 1965 Shelby Mustang GT 350 body shell, painted in gold with black Ford racing stripes. It runs a 23T racing motor of unnamed origin. <br />2. a TAMAYA midnight pumpkin of which I replaced the standard 540 motor with a TAMAYA 23T super stock RZ electric motor.<br />3. A have a GWS chopper, that I am still learning to fly, hence it is currently stored in various pieces, waiting for repairs.<br />4. I have a collection of about 40 lead-cast Marvel figurines. Containing, Spiderman, X-men, Fantastic 4, Avengers, and Marvel Knights caracters.<br />5. I am the proud owner of an OLYMPUS OM-1 MD 35mm SLR camara. With that I have an assortment of filters aswell as a 200mm lens.<br />6. I have a small collection of ZIPPO lighters and wish to grow that. I currently have 5 Zippos and unfortunately, none earlier than 2000.<br />7. Then I have a RIZLA + concept, that is the fancy name for a cigarette rolling machine. I often enjoy a self rolled smoke, and I blend my own tabacco with cherry or rum and maple.<br /><br />TOYS I WANT.<br />1. a Digital SLR camara. Maybe a Canon 50D, but im not fussy. With that I want a decent zoom lens.<br />2. a Tattoo kit. The machines, autoclave and the works. Tattooing is a career I hope one day to follow.<br />3. a Scale train set. We use to have one hanging in the garage when I was a kid, and when it came down in the holidays, my friend and I would spend hours playing on it. It was about two meters by one meter, but had three tracks, a mountain, a tunnel and a lake. My father built it and it was grand. I truly hope to grant my children that same pleasure some day.<br />4. modeling and prototyping equipment. As in small scale CNC, and hand injection molder.<br />5. Lastly, the one, most out of reach is a full scale Shelby Mustang. This is the one big dream and I will save it for my mid life crisis one day.<br /><br />You may have learnt something about me here or you may not have. I just felt like sharing.Smokehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150507433936703371noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327710589108750090.post-39998375827126743022009-09-16T11:24:00.003+02:002009-09-16T19:08:16.608+02:00Michael Jackson died of shame.Yes it is true people, but only in my opinion. And not for the reasons you are thinking of. No. The reason is...<br /> THRILLER!<br /><br />To be 100% honest, of all the M.J songs I have heard in the last twenty odd years, Thriller was not one of them. In fact, I have heard the song for the first time, only in the past few years. Now I am not a big M.J fan, so it is understandable.<br /><br />So now you must be wondering, "what is so bad about Thriller?" Well, the dance is. Sure, it looked great way back in the music video, I suppose, but the problem is, these days you cant fling a midget without hitting a group of people spontaneously bursting into zombies. <br /><br />And the worst part of it is, Most of the freaks doing it, only heard of M.J as recently as his hearings. So please, for the love of all that is sane and good. If you have to burst out into spontaneous sincro dancing, try the Macarena, or one of the Highschool Musical numbers. Thats what they are there for. But please, I urge you. Don't befoul a legend. If you think it is cool, well, it is not, especially for the reason you are doing it. No matter how good you do it.Smokehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150507433936703371noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327710589108750090.post-28622252061598561362009-09-15T21:13:00.002+02:002009-09-15T22:23:17.265+02:00BOBBY DANGER: RURAL POLICEI’m not usually up to speed this early in the morning, especially not at work, but I got to bed early last night and the boss isn’t here today, or so I thought. “ Robert”, how he gets away with that accent, I just don’t know. “yes inspector! Thought you would be out for the day?” I chirp confidently. “youz would like that very much soz you can dig in my fings hey?” “Would never dream of it sir” because I did that two weeks into the job. “Was just wondering sir…” he cuts me off “I has a very important job for you today laaitie” no doubt the cleaner can do it. “youz know the room we put da riot gear in…” “We have riot gear?” “Ha ha, not yet, but as soon as you cleans the old toilets out, we will also have a place to put them, you are going to meet a whole new range of orgasm today.” “you probably mean organisms sir” “sis man, we can’t use words like that boy, the community will hear you.” What a wanker “yes sir, no sir, sorry sir.” “So get to it, and don’t take all day.” “No sir, may I use your nose as a broom sir?” “What did you say?” “The room sir, can I hose down the room?” to loud I think “yes man, but be fast.”<br /><br />The inspector is a funny sort of person, he has been in the police for ever and the new rules never got through to him for some reason. He is a traditionalist Afrikaner and is quite set in his ways. He has a great moustache that gave me the impression, the first time I saw it, of a magician doing the nail in the nose trick, with a broom handle. He is a fair, though paranoid man and seeing that he hasn’t come to terms with modern day policing, is probably the best candidate to head up this small township police station seeing that we are only ten members.<br /><br />I am Sergeant Robert Dan Anger or as I like to think of myself…<br /><br /><strong>BOBBY DANGER: RURAL POLICE</strong>.<br /><br />I feel no confidence in attempting my given challenge, as I’m sure ‘they’ will be watching. Yes, the rats. Or to drive it home… “<strong>THE RATS</strong>” <em>creepy music in the background included</em>. You see, this is no place for policemen, or anyone not sufficiently armed. The three most dangerous things in this township are, in no particular order, rats, chickens and donkeys. The water comes in a close fourth. The rats here carry automatic rifles and move about like trained commandos. I once watched a rat run under the roof at full speed, bracing it self between the wall and roof beam, with nothing but a seven foot drop beneath it. I actually sprayed it with pepper spray, and you know what it did? It welcomed the fiery juice with a gapping mouth. The chickens are even worse. The other day I was patrolling, only to stop for the foul creature to, of all things, cross the road. And what did I see dangling from the bird’s mouth? One of Rambo’s rats. True story. The donkeys I can’t even think about. That is a whole other story.<br /><br />So, being the brave and duty driven individual that I am, I check the room for rats and donkeys, give the all clear and slip the cleaning staff a twenty to finish the job. So before you can say “ where did he go?” I am out of there for a drive, a smoke and some free time. Hey, it’s a tough job, but someone else can always do it.Smokehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150507433936703371noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327710589108750090.post-87560065020666810932009-09-15T16:00:00.000+02:002009-09-15T16:21:04.651+02:00Tshamahanzi (where I found Patience)Before I start, a few words.<br /><br /><strong>LOCATION</strong>: Black settlements outside towns introduced by the apartheid government. The name is still being used and is often referred to as 'kasi'<br /><br /><strong>KGOSHI</strong>: the tribal king to the area, that is still used. They have a direct link to government.<br /><br /><strong>INDUNA</strong>: the tribal chief to a village. He is the direct link to the Kgoshi.<br /><br /><strong>SANGOMA</strong>: a traditional healer that find their roots in ancestral tradition.<br /><br /><strong>INYANGA</strong>: very much the same as sangomas but are usually associated with magic.<br /><br /><strong>SHABEEN</strong>: an illegal or unlicensed drinking place. The name is of an Irish origin.<br /><br /><strong>K.B</strong>: this is the local name for traditional beer, brewed from Sorgum. I enquired from one of the locals what K.B stands for and he informed me it stands for "<em>kaffir</em>* beer"<br /><br /><strong>TAXI</strong>: this is nothing like the New York or London variety. This is actually a mass transport system that makes use of mini busses.<br /><br /><strong>SPAZA</strong>: these are small home based tuck shops that sells mostly bread cigarettes and sweets.<br /><br /><strong>* KAFFIR</strong>: this is an apartheid era word of a derogatory nature, and you could actually land in jail for using it in its insulting form. It seems to be used as a joke among locals in some situations.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I work in deepest darkest Africa. In a village that is part of a <strong>location</strong>, outside a town in the Limpopo province, a mere 300km north of the bustling metropolis of Johannesburg, South Africa.<br /><br />The <strong>location</strong> is called Mahwelereng. This is a rich, vibrant town, that plays home to a predominant black community. It is also the heart of the surrounding rural, tribal villages that are ruled over by the <strong>Kgoshi</strong>. Mahwelereng as a town is fairly urbanised and was at one time home to a then Glorious, now abandoned Hotel, which I could only imagine, played host to swinging 40's styled parties. But that is a whole different blog on its own.<br /><br />Now Tshamahanzi on the other hand....<br /><br />...Rich and vibrant are words you could use to describe it, but only if you are the kind of person who uses the word cheese to describe the moon and flat a word for the world. You see, Tshamahanzi was built on the side of hill in the middle of the bush, and as legend has it, it was done in quite a hurry. Apparently,and this is just rumoured, a few years ago ( between 30 and 60 years ago ) the people of Moshate village, home to the throne, went to the <strong>Kgoshi</strong> and complained about the Tsonga/Shangane people, who at that time lived there. The Moshate people was mostly BaSotho and BaPedi and they were not happy with the Shangane culture of traditional "magic" and there <strong>Sangomas</strong> and <strong>Inyangas</strong>. So to halt the threat of violence, the<strong> Kgoshi</strong> arranged for a place for the Shangane people, in the distant mountains. The place now known as Tshamahanzi.<br /><br />Tshamahanzi as a village, is governed under three <strong>Indunas</strong>. The village has one clinic and six schools, both primary and secondary. Even though this is such a poor community, there are a generous amount of taverns and <strong>shabeens</strong>, as drinking seems to be a favourable past time. You can buy your pint of "<strong>K.B</strong>" at most of them.<br /><br />Transportation consist mostly of <strong>taxis</strong> and donkey carts. There are, the employed and richer individuals, who own cars but not that many, as this is a largely unemployed community.<br /><br />Infra structure are on the rise. As all homes have access to electricity even though electric cables are sometimes stolen for the sale of copper. Some houses now have direct water access though many households still depend on the good old wheelbarrow and water drums at the communal taps. The main road that runs around Tshamahanzi, has only recently been upgraded to tarmac. Gravel roads, often rocky, are still being used. The one thing this rural village still lacks is a working sewerage system. Outside Pit toilets are still being used even though it poses a health risk.<br /><br />Tshamahanzi is home not only to the shangane, but to a few ethnic groups. Legal as well as illegal foreigners make there homes here, including Zimbabwean, Nigerian, Somalian and Indian nationals. The latter two groups mostly own or manage the few larger shops in Tshamahanzi, though you will find plenty of <strong>spazas</strong> owned by the locals. These shops are highly successful as the people don't always have the means to travel the twenty odd kilometres to civilisation. These shops stock everything, from everyday groceries to building supplies and equipment. Livestock is found in the form of donkeys, cattle and goats and it shouldn't be strange to find any of them moving freely on the streets. Often you find corn crops growing in back yards as Many of the locals are substance farmers. It is usually cheaper to grow your own then to buy maize meal.<br /><br />I come to work everyday and sit in my little caravan to listen to the problems of these people. It is mostly serious but often there are the silly ones. Their issues are sometimes more important to them, than I would think. But I have learned to be patient with them even after communication has broken down, we still find a way to a solution.Smokehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150507433936703371noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327710589108750090.post-19046513350976086332009-09-11T17:58:00.000+02:002009-09-11T22:45:36.430+02:00The days the world stood still<span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; FONT-WEIGHT: bold"><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold"></span></span></span><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; FONT-WEIGHT: bold"><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">When you think of September 11th, you usually think of New York, Washington, Pennsylvania, all major venues of events. Or, you think of air crashes, monumentious buildings being attacked, the Pentagon, deaths in large numbers, America under attack, emergency workers</span></span><br />and history changing events.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; FONT-WEIGHT: bold"></span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; FONT-WEIGHT: bold"></span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; FONT-WEIGHT: bold"></span><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; FONT-WEIGHT: bold"></span><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold"><span style="font-size:130%;">Well, so do I</span></span><br /></div><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; FONT-WEIGHT: bold"><br /><br /><br /><br /></span><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold;font-size:180%;" >I present to you, 9/11/</span><br /></div><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; FONT-WEIGHT: bold"><br /><br /><br /><br /></span><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0); FONT-WEIGHT: bold">1297</span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0)"> – Battle of Stirling Bridge: Scots jointly-led by William Wallace and Andrew Moray defeat the English.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0); FONT-WEIGHT: bold">1609 </span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0)">– Henry Hudson discovers Manhattan Island and the indigenous people living there.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0); FONT-WEIGHT: bold">1773 </span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0)">– The Public Advertiser publishes a satirical essay titled Rules By Which A Great Empire May Be Reduced To A Small One written by Benjamin Franklin.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0); FONT-WEIGHT: bold">1776</span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0)"> – British-American peace conference on Staten Island fails to stop nascent American Revolution.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0); FONT-WEIGHT: bold">1777</span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0)"> – American Revolution: Battle of Brandywine – The British celebrate a major victory in Chester County, Pennsylvania.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0); FONT-WEIGHT: bold">1792</span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0)"> – The Hope Diamond is stolen along with other crown jewels when six men break into the house used to store them.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0); FONT-WEIGHT: bold">1813</span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0)"> – War of 1812: British troops arrive in Mount Vernon and prepare to march to and invade Washington D.C..</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0); FONT-WEIGHT: bold">1814</span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0)"> – War of 1812: The climax of the Battle of Plattsburgh, a major United States victory in the war.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0); FONT-WEIGHT: bold">1847</span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0)"> – Stephen Foster's well-known song, Oh! Susanna, is first performed at a saloon in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0); FONT-WEIGHT: bold">1857</span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0)"> – The Mountain Meadows Massacre: Mormon settlers and Paiutes massacre 120 pioneers at Mountain Meadows, Utah.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0); FONT-WEIGHT: bold">1906 </span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0)">– Mahatma Gandhi coins the term "Satyagraha" to characterize the Non-Violence movement in South Africa.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0); FONT-WEIGHT: bold">1915</span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0)"> – The Pennsylvania Railroad begins electrified commuter rail service between Paoli and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, using overhead AC trolley wires for power.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0); FONT-WEIGHT: bold">1916</span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0)"> – The Quebec Bridge's central span collapses, killing 11 men.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0); FONT-WEIGHT: bold">1940</span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0)"> – World War II: Buckingham Palace is damaged during a German air raid.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0); FONT-WEIGHT: bold">1941</span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0)"> – Ground is broken for the construction of The Pentagon.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0); FONT-WEIGHT: bold">1961</span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0)"> – Hurricane Carla strikes the Texas coast as a Category 4 hurricane, the strongest storm ever to hit the state.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0); FONT-WEIGHT: bold">1968</span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0)"> – Air France Flight 1611 crashes off Nice, France, killing 89 passengers and 6 crew.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0); FONT-WEIGHT: bold">1974</span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0)"> – Eastern Air Lines Flight 212 crashes in Charlotte, North Carolina, killing 69 passengers and two crew.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0); FONT-WEIGHT: bold">1981</span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0)"> – A small plane crashes into the Swing Auditorium in San Bernardino, California damaging it beyond repair.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0); FONT-WEIGHT: bold">1990</span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0)"> – U.S. President George H. W. Bush delivers a nationally televised speech in which he threatens the use of force to remove Iraqi soldiers from Kuwait, which Iraq had recently invaded.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0); FONT-WEIGHT: bold">1998</span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(102,0,0)"> – Independent counsel Kenneth Starr sends a report to the U.S. Congress accusing President Bill Clinton of 11 possible impeachable offenses.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"><span style="COLOR: rgb(102,0,0)">September 11 Proclaimed 9-1-1 Emergency Number Day by President Reagan on August 26 in 1987 and celebrated since then by some United States communities, particularly the local emergency services.</span></span><br /></div><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><br /></span><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">I don't want to sound unsympathetic on the events of 11 September 2001. As tragic as it was, there are many untold stories out there with similar, if not worse endings. The world cant forever stand still.</span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"><br /></span></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"><span style="color:#c0c0c0;"></span></span></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"><span style="color:#c0c0c0;"></span></span></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"><span style="font-size:78%;color:#c0c0c0;"></span></span></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"><span style="font-size:78%;color:#c0c0c0;"></span></span></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"><span style="font-size:78%;color:#c0c0c0;"></span></span></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"><span style="font-size:78%;color:#c0c0c0;"></span></span></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"><span style="font-size:78%;color:#c0c0c0;"></span></span></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center" align="right"><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"><span style="font-size:78%;color:#c0c0c0;"></span></span> </div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center" align="right"><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"><span style="font-size:78%;color:#c0c0c0;"></span></span> </div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center" align="right"><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"><span style="font-size:78%;color:#c0c0c0;"></span></span> </div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center" align="right"><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"><span style="font-size:78%;color:#c0c0c0;">ALL FACTS COURTESY OF <a href="http://en.wikipedia.com/">WIKIPEDIA</a></span></div></span>Smokehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150507433936703371noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327710589108750090.post-54276606153451326882009-08-30T20:01:00.000+02:002009-08-30T22:35:47.745+02:00Testing<div>This is not real<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRXUTKhdwz8RBNM_PntkzkcLrr09lAI1VH6LQwFESDpOZ48y4Iiy_qTkLjYhr_Ia5HhFclh1SdfRsT5OyvR4lpeDhUTZCKojNaw2808SXszoG3263I2KSL9BZxMYnLlQ_cxISZjw8r36fx/s1600-h/woef.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 199px; FLOAT: right; HEIGHT: 200px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5375858023752979986" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRXUTKhdwz8RBNM_PntkzkcLrr09lAI1VH6LQwFESDpOZ48y4Iiy_qTkLjYhr_Ia5HhFclh1SdfRsT5OyvR4lpeDhUTZCKojNaw2808SXszoG3263I2KSL9BZxMYnLlQ_cxISZjw8r36fx/s200/woef.jpg" /></a><br />This is only a test to see if i can infact post from my phone and its opera browser</div>Smokehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150507433936703371noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327710589108750090.post-59068956699799669522009-08-29T22:30:00.001+02:002009-09-15T16:16:03.956+02:00I have Patience, Patience Baloyi...... I have not kidnapped him, but the word liberation comes to mind. I have saved him from the township he lives in. And I have moved him to my middle class income home.<br /><br />Here he can enjoy a balanced, nutritious diet that consists of meats, vegetables, various starches and the occasional dessert. Compared to what he is use to, maize meal porridge and tinned fish or beef on very special occasions, I am sure he is pleased.<br /><br />I have also shown him how the Satellite television work, to keep him company, as I am seldom there to have a conversation. I am sure its much better than sitting beside the fire night after night listening to his elders drone on about the village and the neighbour, who's goat got stolen, such a fuss over a silly goat. the thing was unhygienic and probably wasn't worth much.<br /><br />I have given Patience all the creature comforts that I never really appreciated much. I would like to think he does, as when I took him from his two room shanty home, which he shared with his mother, grand mother and five younger siblings,he seemed to have enjoyed that, the little that he had. And I'm sure that they are relieved form having one less stomach to feed. That government grant is worth only so much.<br /><br />The reason I took him was because It was not right for him to stay in that rural village. The place had only dirt roads which was barely in any conditions for the donkey drawn carts that used them. Also they did have running water, even though it meant that he had to do the running, with a wheelbarrow to the communal tap about two kilometers from his house, at least he was fit as he did this twice daily. Pit toilets was at the order of the day as the form of ablution. He also just recently got electricity at home, though it doesn't work, as the copper cable has been stolen again.<br /><br />The thing I don't understand is that he is not happy here. He is appreciative of what I do for him, but not truly happy. We have everything we can want. Gadgets, entertainment, luxuries... what else can we need? Sure I haven't seen my parents in forever, I have been busy. And Any day now my brother will speak to me again.<br /><br />I just wish That I could see that happiness on Patience's face again. The smile and love he had in his eyes that night I saw him at his house by the fire.Smokehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150507433936703371noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327710589108750090.post-35571786698488041072009-08-29T00:11:00.000+02:002009-08-29T01:15:21.581+02:00THE PLOT THICKENS (though you can still see right through it)I have just returned from the moon where I had dinner at a lovely restaurant. the food was really good, though the atmosphere sucked. So I'm back at home and its midnight. I flip through the channels for a bit of late night viewing, and I get to MNET Action which is showing an adult film. <br /><br />My reason for this is really pure, let me assure you, and the reason being? I'm working on a novel see, and its falling into place quite nicely. i have a few lead characters, some inter winding plots and even a surprise ending, and if that's not enough, i even have a prequel. (chapters will become available here as soon as I feel I'm getting somewhere.)<br /><br />So now your thinking its one of those raunchy novels, well no, it will be a fact based, adventure thriller. and the reason for the smut TV you ask. Simple, and also the premise for this post. Story line. I have recently discovered that porn sometimes, have fairly good stories. Jip some poor creative writing student is trying to get exposure (bad wording?) so he can one day get published, and the perverted director sweeps down, rip the script apart and fill it with bad acting, incredibly unbelievable scenes and nookie. the writer isn't worried, he has all ready been paid, so what the hey.<br /><br />I mean, the other evening there was this story about some archaeological dig that was taking place on two different continents. The story line would have been convincing if it wasn't for the one girl who decided to walk around the desert dig site with nothing on. Even though I myself have never been on a dig site before, I am sure that this is not standard practice. The other moment that drew my concern, was the fact that the girls-only group, digging in what I assumed was an Amazonian Rain Forest, Had a local female (loin cloths and tribal jewelery) as a messenger, not that strange you say, well, she to was topless, and probably spoke better English than any other character. OK so the script was weak, but the story line had potential.<br /><br />The fact is, fast forward the fornication and try to follow the story, and you will find that with some work, these stories can actually be winners, who knows, maybe it has already happened. <br /><br />DISCLAIMER: I DO NEITHER APPROVE OF NOR RECOMMEND WATCHING PORNOGRAPHIC MEDIA. SPATULAS BELONG IN THE KITCHEN, LEATHER BELONG ON COWS, AND MIDGETS SHOULDN'T BE ASSOCIATED WITH EITHER.Smokehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150507433936703371noreply@blogger.com3