Bobby Danger And the incredible ass hole  

Posted by Smoke in , ,

Now imagine being surounded by the pitch black of night, and the only light visible is a stabbing shaft from above. Now imagine the warm and musty air that reeks of frightened, slightly confused animals. And all this while not wearing any trousers. Im getting ahead of myself, lets go back to the beginning of this day.

I am on my way to work, but not before I drop my car off for some body work. As I check my rear view mirror, I glimps this head disappear behind a bush. I drive futher and spot a different donkey starring at me untill he realises Im looking, he swings around and starts reading a news paper, upside down. So as I approch the entrance to the repair shop, I have to hit the brakes. One of the amizingly suspicious donkeys of the area is crouched down low awaitng my arrival. Im not fazed as I have training for these situations, see, I am...


So I slam the car into reverse and head for the other entrance, only to find three donkeys waiting for me, wearing black berrets and dark glasses. Thats when I start to regret my choices.

None of this was unprovoked see. A few weeks ago the Inspector comes to me and says," Robert, youz know all doze casings of beers we have standing in the back, the ones we get from da raids on the elegal taverns?" the ones I 'disposed' of at my friend Patience's establishment. " Yes sir, what about them?" " Well we just gets some new ones in, so take da lot of thems and go pours them down the drain.." new stock, ka ching "...and I will come checking in on you, so no funny business, Robert" screwed by the man "yes sir, on my way, just one question sir? Does the drain not run out into an open stream where all kinds of animals can access it?" "Dont youz warry bout that my boy, it is only dumb donkeys" And that was the famous last word, long story short, the donkeys took a liking to the booze and when it ran out, they started hassling the locals for more until it got out of hand and some guy got injured, and the donkey become dog food. since then I have been a marked man, as donkeys dont listen to reasoning. Back to today...

At work the boss man informs me of a ring of live stock thefts that has been happening in other policing areas and the suspects has been traced to our area and its for me to find them, or as the Inspector said it.. "you Robert, you must goes and find eiver the thiefs or da animals" and then I was off.

Our information lead me into the nearby mountains, and I have to abandon my vehicle as I can only drive through trees while in a drug altered state of mind, wich is not the current situation. I walk for what feel like miles, which is fine, as I am an outdoors person. I feel as if Bear Grylls is my mentor and I go nowhere without my Zippo or Leatherman. So I am walking when... nothing, well, atleast that is what is underneath my feet, so I drop, down, dow... stop. I find myself hanging upside down, my belt hooked on a branch. I see the ground and it is about four feet down. I undo me belt and I drop again, as I land, I roll and drop again.... Lucky I land on something soft. Well atleast I found the live stock, damn irony.

So here I am, in the present, down a twenty five foot hole. surrounded by about thirty donkeys. Lucky they are not local, wich means my status to them is neutral, or so I thought. I reach for my Zippo, look up, and see it and my leatherman glinting down at me. My thoughts move to Mr. Grylls and realise I cant make a fire using a rock and a donkey, no matter how hard you hit it. And then my world goes black....

I wake up what feels like hours later and find myself at Patience's place. I touch my fore head and it stings, I feel again and find a hoove shaped welt. Apparently, I found the "stolen" donkeys and they were actually an Ass militia rounded up to get me, well now they are fido's lunch. Then Patience found me, and brought me back here. Only one thing left to do...
"Patience, Get the truck, I have some 'disposal of exhibits' to get to."

This entry was posted on Saturday, January 2, 2010 at 12:03 AM and is filed under , , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .


The donkeys almost sound as bad as the rats. I suggest you keep the stream topped up and your troubles will be over so go out there and raid some more shebeens.(lol)

January 2, 2010 at 9:51 AM

what happens to the elegal sigs from the border does that explain the rats and chickens

January 2, 2010 at 10:31 AM

Ass militia - classic! Great story ful of rich images and vibrant good humour!

January 7, 2010 at 11:16 PM

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