I got the interweb, and its not what I thought it would be!  

Posted by Smoke

Its true, came Xmas day, I found a USB modem with hsdpa capability under the tree from mother.
Her only condition was one good blog a month, or was it a week? Anyway, this wont be it.

Up till know I have been using a sub standard Internet connection, so when I received this technological wonder, I was truly hyped and thankful, not only do I have access to super fast Internet, but also, its free for the next two years.

Now I have used a similar connection while visiting mom, so I thought I knew what I was getting myself into,
then I went home!

So I fire the old notebook up, connect and install the modem, and take a sho' left onto the information super highway, only to find not only that I left the map at home, but also the spare wheel and the Motor.

The problem is coverage, the main Cellular network provider in Azania is Vodacom and they are subsidised by Vodafone. We get three basic connections. GPRS(a 1100 Honda), EDGE(the same Honda, with alloy wheels and a sound system) and 3G/hsdpa(BMW M3 GTR).
I connect and find I only get EDGE, so I walk around a bit and nothing happens. I then go to Vodacom's coverage map, and after 15 minutes of zooming, I find my hometown, now EDGE is shown in green and 3G in red, only to find my area is in the green with scattered showers of red.
I then zoom onto my home and I realise I have been screwed big time.

According to the map, the Red only starts about 100 meters(300ft) away from my house. I don my hiking boots and off I go with laptop in hand to hunt the elusive hsdpa. I'm walking and monitoring at the same time when I strike gold, or Cyan, as the modem indicates hsdpa.
The problem is I'm not even close to a house and I am standing in the middle of a train track!!
If I move off the track, I lose my baby, and to make it worse is that the train passes every hour or so.

Plan of action? to contact the service provider and complain, but only in February, as we don't want to attract their attention just yet. Why? well my brother in law's girlfriend is currently in Australia, and for some reason he is making international calls to her at local rates.

Enough said.

This post is seven months late.  

Posted by Smoke

We are going to have a baby. OK, so I have known this for the 30 odd weeks, so I'm writing about it.
Its a boy, thank goodness, only one penis to worry about. Anyway, I am extremely excited, even though it doesn't show.

This is my second child and my wife's first. with my daughter, I was over shadowed by an over zealous, unbearable, bible thumping, "mother-in-law" (thank Om I never married that girl). anyway, ultra sounds and all round dad things was not allowed (teen pregnancy), so this is my first real pregnancy.

My wife is probably the luckiest women in the world, as morning sickness, nausea and heartburn missed her. Only now, is she getting some pains as the body is adapting, but that's it.

Only thing is that it is getting unbearable and baby must come out soon as she is very uncomfortable. The other day she mentioned to me the first 10 things she will do when baby is born.

Here follows the list in no particular order:

1. Sleep on her stomach

2. Roll around effortlessly on bed

3. Have a pain free stretch in the morning


4. Bend over and touch feet


5. Care for her own feet again without struggles

6. shave her legs as soon as she can reach.

7. Have a drink again (she refused to have any alcohol during pregnancy)

8. Eat sushi (as you are not allowed to have raw fish while pregnant. the fact
that before, she had never ate sushi, is irrelevant)

9. Have a super pain killer that will get all the pains, as the ones allowed while pregnant is SHITE


10. Then Start the rest of her life, loving the baby.

Until then, I will Keep you updated.

Sir Richard Brandson, I want to congratulate you on the empire you have created. And on all the amazing feats you have accomplished. You are one of the few modern day men who has found his place in history. After this technological age has passed and Al Gore has hit the delete key on his keyboard to wipe out the internet. And after the American football team beat Brazil, Germany, Italy and Portugal in consecutive Fifa world cup finals, which will cause Hooligan International to take to the streets and burn down all libraries and book stores, then you would still be remembered. As for me, I am a lowly blogger from sunny South Africa, who has but only accomplished to stay alive.

I will now tell you a bit about myself. I am a humble Government employee who earns nearly enough to get by monthly. Yet still I choose excelance. For instance, I spent a great part of my income on purchasing a Leatherman multi tool, I was willing to spend it, as I knew I was paying for quality and service, as this product has a hassle free 25 year warranty, just the other day I sent it away for minor repairs and servicing, and it only cost me postage. I also own a few Zippo lighters, and again they dont come cheap, but they also have a life time garantee, so if they break I get them repaired or replaced, free of charge. The cellphone I use, a Nokia, the model I use was a bit pricy, but the multi functunality of it makes it worth it.

Terry Pratchett once wrote of Samual Vimes' boots. It went like this. A rich man can afford sturdy expensive boots, that would keep his feet dry for years, which would cost him, lets say, $50 dollars every 7 years. A poor man, who can only afford those $10 boots, would not only have to replace them every year, but would also have constant wet feet. Which only mean that the rich man would save and get richer, and the poor man wont. Now this makes sence to me. So why am I adressing you on this matter?

Well, I have for about two years now, been using one of your products here in South Africa, and that is, Virgin Mobile SA. When first it arived, I thought to myself: "that Richard Brandson, he has his head straight on, feet firmly planted." and then I saw the rates. It was incredible, data charges, nearly free, text, virgin to virgin, dirt cheap, and to top it all, at the end of each month, you even gave me free airtime. So before you can say,"nice salt and pepper sellers, can I steal them?" I went over to Virgin mobile. Now as I am one for simplicity, I use my phone for everything, especially the internet. So I was surprised one day to find the proverbial honeymoon to be over. The network would be down, more often than not, airtime wouldnt load via mobile banking etc etc. All these problems where docking up, but my wife and I, we though, "nah, teething problems, theyre still young, and atleast their call center operators dont try to get frisky." so we hang in there. But low and behold, it still went on.

And now, two years later, here we are today. My wife is now 24 weeks pregnant and has to drive about 30 kilometers to work at about 06:30 in the morning on a rural road. Lucky she drives with people from work. So she tries to text my and... Message fails, she tries again and again and again, to no preveil. So she tries to phone and again, nothing. Then she contacts the sort me out centre, only to recieve an automated message telling her to try again in 2 hours as they only open at eight. She did that, only she kept getting disconnect. I try to phone and text and I have the same problem. So now I am thinking, "what if she was travelling alone, and something happended?" Well. On the weekend we will be porting our Numbers back to the more expensive, more reliable network, have I mentioned they have 3G and hsdpa.

You see, I missed the plot, rather pay more and have the knowledge that you would get service, than taking the bargain that might just cost you dearly. Mr Brandson, sorry, Sir Brandson, it would be nice if I could challenge you to come to South Africa for a month, and in that time, use only virgin mobile SA for all your data needs, telephony, internet, etc. I would even go so far as to wager 10% of my monthy income, against 10% of yours. Hey, if it costs me R700 (about £70) to get you to fix your product, it would be worth it. What do you say? Are you up for a challenge?

PS:Before anyone burns down my blog, I know it is Branson and not Brandson

Saving babies  

Posted by Smoke in ,

So its Sunday night 19:30 and I am getting ready to watch The Dark Knight, when I hear this blood churning scream from the bath room. the wife is in there and I know she hates all that crawls or slithers.

before I go on : here in South Africa, we have something called, THE BUSHVELD!! and I live smack in the middle of it in a little thatch roof cottage among eight other cottages, so we get quite a few creepies. spiders, snakes, red romans, etc

I get to the bathroom and I see something fuzzy crawl in under neath some washing. I lift it up and find a baby bush baby. now this is not that strange to me, as we previously found one in the house as well. they are the cutest little things, and so trusting.

so my wife and I decide that we cant keep it, as it is a creature that belongs in the trees, and also, we have cats. so we take the little creature and show it to the other neighbours. while outside, I hear another bush baby calling, and I think its the mother, so I follow the calls as we have many trees about the place and it is dark. when I find the "mother" I also find its distress. one of the neighbourhood cats are in the tree. I grab the cat and chase it away but the "mother" is still calling so I place the baby on a branch and watch its silhouette thanks to some back light.

the "mother" comes down and investigate, and then leave. I wait for about five minutes but nothing happens. at this point my wife and I, are deciding whether to save the baby or not while I'm again chasing the cat. the next moment, my wife spots another baby on the ground under neath the tree, so I pick it up and place it next to the first baby. now I must press how amazing this is, as these creatures are usually very shy. but this mother is sitting within a few feet from me and also I have now handled not one but two babies already.

so as I watch the babies, the mother comes down and takes the second one in her mouth and goes up the tree, at this time, the first one starts climbing up the tree as well. so I'm moving around to track the mom and see her leaving to the left on the telephone wire, and as she leaves, another mother comes down into the tree, grabs the first baby and disappears up the tree onto the phone line and exits stage right
pursued be a bear.

this I think is not an every day experience, even for someone living in the bush, and I just thought I should share it.

PS: pardon the photos, I only had my phone with me at the time

What I have, and what I want!  

Posted by Smoke

They say, the difference between men and boys are the size and price of there toys. Well it is true, as happy as I am with the grown up life, I often wish I was still nine years old.

I love toys, all kinds of toys and I have a few, but I have also a list of toys that I want. So here follows the two lists:

TOYS I HAVE.
1. a YOKOMO YR-4 M2 PRO r/c racing model with a 1965 Shelby Mustang GT 350 body shell, painted in gold with black Ford racing stripes. It runs a 23T racing motor of unnamed origin.
2. a TAMAYA midnight pumpkin of which I replaced the standard 540 motor with a TAMAYA 23T super stock RZ electric motor.
3. A have a GWS chopper, that I am still learning to fly, hence it is currently stored in various pieces, waiting for repairs.
4. I have a collection of about 40 lead-cast Marvel figurines. Containing, Spiderman, X-men, Fantastic 4, Avengers, and Marvel Knights caracters.
5. I am the proud owner of an OLYMPUS OM-1 MD 35mm SLR camara. With that I have an assortment of filters aswell as a 200mm lens.
6. I have a small collection of ZIPPO lighters and wish to grow that. I currently have 5 Zippos and unfortunately, none earlier than 2000.
7. Then I have a RIZLA + concept, that is the fancy name for a cigarette rolling machine. I often enjoy a self rolled smoke, and I blend my own tabacco with cherry or rum and maple.

TOYS I WANT.
1. a Digital SLR camara. Maybe a Canon 50D, but im not fussy. With that I want a decent zoom lens.
2. a Tattoo kit. The machines, autoclave and the works. Tattooing is a career I hope one day to follow.
3. a Scale train set. We use to have one hanging in the garage when I was a kid, and when it came down in the holidays, my friend and I would spend hours playing on it. It was about two meters by one meter, but had three tracks, a mountain, a tunnel and a lake. My father built it and it was grand. I truly hope to grant my children that same pleasure some day.
4. modeling and prototyping equipment. As in small scale CNC, and hand injection molder.
5. Lastly, the one, most out of reach is a full scale Shelby Mustang. This is the one big dream and I will save it for my mid life crisis one day.

You may have learnt something about me here or you may not have. I just felt like sharing.

Yes it is true people, but only in my opinion. And not for the reasons you are thinking of. No. The reason is...
THRILLER!

To be 100% honest, of all the M.J songs I have heard in the last twenty odd years, Thriller was not one of them. In fact, I have heard the song for the first time, only in the past few years. Now I am not a big M.J fan, so it is understandable.

So now you must be wondering, "what is so bad about Thriller?" Well, the dance is. Sure, it looked great way back in the music video, I suppose, but the problem is, these days you cant fling a midget without hitting a group of people spontaneously bursting into zombies.

And the worst part of it is, Most of the freaks doing it, only heard of M.J as recently as his hearings. So please, for the love of all that is sane and good. If you have to burst out into spontaneous sincro dancing, try the Macarena, or one of the Highschool Musical numbers. Thats what they are there for. But please, I urge you. Don't befoul a legend. If you think it is cool, well, it is not, especially for the reason you are doing it. No matter how good you do it.

BOBBY DANGER: RURAL POLICE  

Posted by Smoke in , , ,

I’m not usually up to speed this early in the morning, especially not at work, but I got to bed early last night and the boss isn’t here today, or so I thought. “ Robert”, how he gets away with that accent, I just don’t know. “yes inspector! Thought you would be out for the day?” I chirp confidently. “youz would like that very much soz you can dig in my fings hey?” “Would never dream of it sir” because I did that two weeks into the job. “Was just wondering sir…” he cuts me off “I has a very important job for you today laaitie” no doubt the cleaner can do it. “youz know the room we put da riot gear in…” “We have riot gear?” “Ha ha, not yet, but as soon as you cleans the old toilets out, we will also have a place to put them, you are going to meet a whole new range of orgasm today.” “you probably mean organisms sir” “sis man, we can’t use words like that boy, the community will hear you.” What a wanker “yes sir, no sir, sorry sir.” “So get to it, and don’t take all day.” “No sir, may I use your nose as a broom sir?” “What did you say?” “The room sir, can I hose down the room?” to loud I think “yes man, but be fast.”

The inspector is a funny sort of person, he has been in the police for ever and the new rules never got through to him for some reason. He is a traditionalist Afrikaner and is quite set in his ways. He has a great moustache that gave me the impression, the first time I saw it, of a magician doing the nail in the nose trick, with a broom handle. He is a fair, though paranoid man and seeing that he hasn’t come to terms with modern day policing, is probably the best candidate to head up this small township police station seeing that we are only ten members.

I am Sergeant Robert Dan Anger or as I like to think of myself…

BOBBY DANGER: RURAL POLICE.

I feel no confidence in attempting my given challenge, as I’m sure ‘they’ will be watching. Yes, the rats. Or to drive it home… “THE RATScreepy music in the background included. You see, this is no place for policemen, or anyone not sufficiently armed. The three most dangerous things in this township are, in no particular order, rats, chickens and donkeys. The water comes in a close fourth. The rats here carry automatic rifles and move about like trained commandos. I once watched a rat run under the roof at full speed, bracing it self between the wall and roof beam, with nothing but a seven foot drop beneath it. I actually sprayed it with pepper spray, and you know what it did? It welcomed the fiery juice with a gapping mouth. The chickens are even worse. The other day I was patrolling, only to stop for the foul creature to, of all things, cross the road. And what did I see dangling from the bird’s mouth? One of Rambo’s rats. True story. The donkeys I can’t even think about. That is a whole other story.

So, being the brave and duty driven individual that I am, I check the room for rats and donkeys, give the all clear and slip the cleaning staff a twenty to finish the job. So before you can say “ where did he go?” I am out of there for a drive, a smoke and some free time. Hey, it’s a tough job, but someone else can always do it.

Tshamahanzi (where I found Patience)  

Posted by Smoke in ,

Before I start, a few words.

LOCATION: Black settlements outside towns introduced by the apartheid government. The name is still being used and is often referred to as 'kasi'

KGOSHI: the tribal king to the area, that is still used. They have a direct link to government.

INDUNA: the tribal chief to a village. He is the direct link to the Kgoshi.

SANGOMA: a traditional healer that find their roots in ancestral tradition.

INYANGA: very much the same as sangomas but are usually associated with magic.

SHABEEN: an illegal or unlicensed drinking place. The name is of an Irish origin.

K.B: this is the local name for traditional beer, brewed from Sorgum. I enquired from one of the locals what K.B stands for and he informed me it stands for "kaffir* beer"

TAXI: this is nothing like the New York or London variety. This is actually a mass transport system that makes use of mini busses.

SPAZA: these are small home based tuck shops that sells mostly bread cigarettes and sweets.

* KAFFIR: this is an apartheid era word of a derogatory nature, and you could actually land in jail for using it in its insulting form. It seems to be used as a joke among locals in some situations.




I work in deepest darkest Africa. In a village that is part of a location, outside a town in the Limpopo province, a mere 300km north of the bustling metropolis of Johannesburg, South Africa.

The location is called Mahwelereng. This is a rich, vibrant town, that plays home to a predominant black community. It is also the heart of the surrounding rural, tribal villages that are ruled over by the Kgoshi. Mahwelereng as a town is fairly urbanised and was at one time home to a then Glorious, now abandoned Hotel, which I could only imagine, played host to swinging 40's styled parties. But that is a whole different blog on its own.

Now Tshamahanzi on the other hand....

...Rich and vibrant are words you could use to describe it, but only if you are the kind of person who uses the word cheese to describe the moon and flat a word for the world. You see, Tshamahanzi was built on the side of hill in the middle of the bush, and as legend has it, it was done in quite a hurry. Apparently,and this is just rumoured, a few years ago ( between 30 and 60 years ago ) the people of Moshate village, home to the throne, went to the Kgoshi and complained about the Tsonga/Shangane people, who at that time lived there. The Moshate people was mostly BaSotho and BaPedi and they were not happy with the Shangane culture of traditional "magic" and there Sangomas and Inyangas. So to halt the threat of violence, the Kgoshi arranged for a place for the Shangane people, in the distant mountains. The place now known as Tshamahanzi.

Tshamahanzi as a village, is governed under three Indunas. The village has one clinic and six schools, both primary and secondary. Even though this is such a poor community, there are a generous amount of taverns and shabeens, as drinking seems to be a favourable past time. You can buy your pint of "K.B" at most of them.

Transportation consist mostly of taxis and donkey carts. There are, the employed and richer individuals, who own cars but not that many, as this is a largely unemployed community.

Infra structure are on the rise. As all homes have access to electricity even though electric cables are sometimes stolen for the sale of copper. Some houses now have direct water access though many households still depend on the good old wheelbarrow and water drums at the communal taps. The main road that runs around Tshamahanzi, has only recently been upgraded to tarmac. Gravel roads, often rocky, are still being used. The one thing this rural village still lacks is a working sewerage system. Outside Pit toilets are still being used even though it poses a health risk.

Tshamahanzi is home not only to the shangane, but to a few ethnic groups. Legal as well as illegal foreigners make there homes here, including Zimbabwean, Nigerian, Somalian and Indian nationals. The latter two groups mostly own or manage the few larger shops in Tshamahanzi, though you will find plenty of spazas owned by the locals. These shops are highly successful as the people don't always have the means to travel the twenty odd kilometres to civilisation. These shops stock everything, from everyday groceries to building supplies and equipment. Livestock is found in the form of donkeys, cattle and goats and it shouldn't be strange to find any of them moving freely on the streets. Often you find corn crops growing in back yards as Many of the locals are substance farmers. It is usually cheaper to grow your own then to buy maize meal.

I come to work everyday and sit in my little caravan to listen to the problems of these people. It is mostly serious but often there are the silly ones. Their issues are sometimes more important to them, than I would think. But I have learned to be patient with them even after communication has broken down, we still find a way to a solution.

The days the world stood still  

Posted by Smoke


When you think of September 11th, you usually think of New York, Washington, Pennsylvania, all major venues of events. Or, you think of air crashes, monumentious buildings being attacked, the Pentagon, deaths in large numbers, America under attack, emergency workers
and history changing events.




Well, so do I




I present to you, 9/11/




1297 – Battle of Stirling Bridge: Scots jointly-led by William Wallace and Andrew Moray defeat the English.

1609 – Henry Hudson discovers Manhattan Island and the indigenous people living there.

1773 – The Public Advertiser publishes a satirical essay titled Rules By Which A Great Empire May Be Reduced To A Small One written by Benjamin Franklin.

1776 – British-American peace conference on Staten Island fails to stop nascent American Revolution.

1777 – American Revolution: Battle of Brandywine – The British celebrate a major victory in Chester County, Pennsylvania.

1792 – The Hope Diamond is stolen along with other crown jewels when six men break into the house used to store them.

1813 – War of 1812: British troops arrive in Mount Vernon and prepare to march to and invade Washington D.C..

1814 – War of 1812: The climax of the Battle of Plattsburgh, a major United States victory in the war.

1847 – Stephen Foster's well-known song, Oh! Susanna, is first performed at a saloon in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

1857 – The Mountain Meadows Massacre: Mormon settlers and Paiutes massacre 120 pioneers at Mountain Meadows, Utah.

1906 – Mahatma Gandhi coins the term "Satyagraha" to characterize the Non-Violence movement in South Africa.

1915 – The Pennsylvania Railroad begins electrified commuter rail service between Paoli and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, using overhead AC trolley wires for power.

1916 – The Quebec Bridge's central span collapses, killing 11 men.

1940 – World War II: Buckingham Palace is damaged during a German air raid.

1941 – Ground is broken for the construction of The Pentagon.

1961 – Hurricane Carla strikes the Texas coast as a Category 4 hurricane, the strongest storm ever to hit the state.

1968 – Air France Flight 1611 crashes off Nice, France, killing 89 passengers and 6 crew.

1974 – Eastern Air Lines Flight 212 crashes in Charlotte, North Carolina, killing 69 passengers and two crew.

1981 – A small plane crashes into the Swing Auditorium in San Bernardino, California damaging it beyond repair.

1990 – U.S. President George H. W. Bush delivers a nationally televised speech in which he threatens the use of force to remove Iraqi soldiers from Kuwait, which Iraq had recently invaded.

1998 – Independent counsel Kenneth Starr sends a report to the U.S. Congress accusing President Bill Clinton of 11 possible impeachable offenses.

September 11 Proclaimed 9-1-1 Emergency Number Day by President Reagan on August 26 in 1987 and celebrated since then by some United States communities, particularly the local emergency services.

I don't want to sound unsympathetic on the events of 11 September 2001. As tragic as it was, there are many untold stories out there with similar, if not worse endings. The world cant forever stand still.
ALL FACTS COURTESY OF WIKIPEDIA

Testing  

Posted by Smoke

This is not real

This is only a test to see if i can infact post from my phone and its opera browser

... I have not kidnapped him, but the word liberation comes to mind. I have saved him from the township he lives in. And I have moved him to my middle class income home.

Here he can enjoy a balanced, nutritious diet that consists of meats, vegetables, various starches and the occasional dessert. Compared to what he is use to, maize meal porridge and tinned fish or beef on very special occasions, I am sure he is pleased.

I have also shown him how the Satellite television work, to keep him company, as I am seldom there to have a conversation. I am sure its much better than sitting beside the fire night after night listening to his elders drone on about the village and the neighbour, who's goat got stolen, such a fuss over a silly goat. the thing was unhygienic and probably wasn't worth much.

I have given Patience all the creature comforts that I never really appreciated much. I would like to think he does, as when I took him from his two room shanty home, which he shared with his mother, grand mother and five younger siblings,he seemed to have enjoyed that, the little that he had. And I'm sure that they are relieved form having one less stomach to feed. That government grant is worth only so much.

The reason I took him was because It was not right for him to stay in that rural village. The place had only dirt roads which was barely in any conditions for the donkey drawn carts that used them. Also they did have running water, even though it meant that he had to do the running, with a wheelbarrow to the communal tap about two kilometers from his house, at least he was fit as he did this twice daily. Pit toilets was at the order of the day as the form of ablution. He also just recently got electricity at home, though it doesn't work, as the copper cable has been stolen again.

The thing I don't understand is that he is not happy here. He is appreciative of what I do for him, but not truly happy. We have everything we can want. Gadgets, entertainment, luxuries... what else can we need? Sure I haven't seen my parents in forever, I have been busy. And Any day now my brother will speak to me again.

I just wish That I could see that happiness on Patience's face again. The smile and love he had in his eyes that night I saw him at his house by the fire.

I have just returned from the moon where I had dinner at a lovely restaurant. the food was really good, though the atmosphere sucked. So I'm back at home and its midnight. I flip through the channels for a bit of late night viewing, and I get to MNET Action which is showing an adult film.

My reason for this is really pure, let me assure you, and the reason being? I'm working on a novel see, and its falling into place quite nicely. i have a few lead characters, some inter winding plots and even a surprise ending, and if that's not enough, i even have a prequel. (chapters will become available here as soon as I feel I'm getting somewhere.)

So now your thinking its one of those raunchy novels, well no, it will be a fact based, adventure thriller. and the reason for the smut TV you ask. Simple, and also the premise for this post. Story line. I have recently discovered that porn sometimes, have fairly good stories. Jip some poor creative writing student is trying to get exposure (bad wording?) so he can one day get published, and the perverted director sweeps down, rip the script apart and fill it with bad acting, incredibly unbelievable scenes and nookie. the writer isn't worried, he has all ready been paid, so what the hey.

I mean, the other evening there was this story about some archaeological dig that was taking place on two different continents. The story line would have been convincing if it wasn't for the one girl who decided to walk around the desert dig site with nothing on. Even though I myself have never been on a dig site before, I am sure that this is not standard practice. The other moment that drew my concern, was the fact that the girls-only group, digging in what I assumed was an Amazonian Rain Forest, Had a local female (loin cloths and tribal jewelery) as a messenger, not that strange you say, well, she to was topless, and probably spoke better English than any other character. OK so the script was weak, but the story line had potential.

The fact is, fast forward the fornication and try to follow the story, and you will find that with some work, these stories can actually be winners, who knows, maybe it has already happened.

DISCLAIMER: I DO NEITHER APPROVE OF NOR RECOMMEND WATCHING PORNOGRAPHIC MEDIA. SPATULAS BELONG IN THE KITCHEN, LEATHER BELONG ON COWS, AND MIDGETS SHOULDN'T BE ASSOCIATED WITH EITHER.

Which discworld caracter am I  

Posted by Smoke






You Scored as Commander Samuel Vimes

You are Samuel Vimes! Captain of Ankh-Morpork’s city Watch! You are a knight, married to the very wealthy, noble lady Sybil Ramkin. You often walk the streets at night, and are able to tell where you are by the feel of the cobbles under your boots. You always do what is right – that is, what needs to be done – to keep the city safe, even when it seems bad.






Commander Samuel Vimes




75%





Esmerelda (Granny) Weatherwax




69%





Carrot Ironfounderson




56%





Gytha (Nanny) Ogg




56%





Greebo




50%





Lord Havelock Vetinari




38%





Cohen The Barbarian




38%





Rincewind




38%





Death




31%





The Librarian




25%

Friday morning car wash  

Posted by Smoke

It is funny how the learning process works. A few years ago the only thing I knew about Apartheid was....

Before I continue, I am not going to put up a big debate about injustices done or the oppression of the masses or any of that. My interest in Apartheid is purely one of knowing the past of my country. To go on.

The only thing I knew about Apartheid was that a great injustice was done against the masses and oppression was applied to the said group.

So about two years ago I started to do some reading on the subject. Now again before I continue. Some personal history.

As I was born in 1982 I spent my school years trough the 90's, the final leg of the Afrikaner Nationalist Apartheid era. My home language was afrikaans but my family was half english. And to top it I schooled in the small town of Naboomspruit (after tree fountain. Thats a direct translation, though a Naboom is in fact a tree in the Euphorbia family also known as a Candelabra tree) This town was rather conservative meaning pro Nationalism and Calvanist. To put it even stronger, they hated the damn blacks. This town had made the news for being the home to members of the AWB (a white supremacy resistance group) who got shot in Boputatswana, on the international news. It is also home to the high school that was named after J.G Strydom(one of the apartheid engineers) this "great" school(which I attended) was again immortalised by resisting the entry of black students after 1994(the first black student was enrolled in 2000). The problems for a young, liberal raised kid should be clear for anyone to see.

For someone with no political identity at the age of nine I had a tough time mixing with kids who, from age 2 was taught that crap was brown, because if it was white it would be ice cream. So on a merry day at the age of 12(it may have been 1 year in either direction) I was told in a class, which I suspect to have been religious studies, that the song that would became our National anthem in a few years(Nkosi Sekelel iAfrika) was in fact about idol worship and the calling up of demons and what other cruel creatures from a dungeon dimension.

The song was in fact, a Xhosa hymn that was composed in 1897 by a teacher in a mission school. After school I went home and informed my parents of these ramblings and before you could say A, my parents was on the phone to the said teacher and needless to say she was schooled.

This kind of mindset was experienced all throughout my school years and I learned it was best not to ask questions, in fear of the answers I would get. Looking back now, I am astound by the narrow mindedness of those people and myself( as I should have spoken up a long time ago)

So two years ago I started to make a study of things, I think mostly to find my own identity in this world. The first time I read about the cause and beginning of Apartheid, my guilty mind convinced it self that Apartheid was not that bad and that THEY actually ment well, it just kind of went sour at the end. This was my viewpoint for two years...

Until I read the full definitive history of the National Party. I found that the Apartheid laws set out over a span of nearly eighty years where set out and implemented years before the creation of the NP. I have not finished reading the book, but it sure is a good read.

On an after thought. The view that was held for many years in this country, and in some places still is, that black people are dumb or different is being abolished every day. Today as I sit in a rural Shangaan village at a car wash. Waiting for my car to be done, I notice two young boys drawing with a stick in the sand. They are at a high school age, and as I inspect I find there strange, cultural cave man scratching to be the following.

6 = 2x + 3y

Why moss grows on trees.  

Posted by Smoke

The thing about trivia is, well, its trivial. You see, knowing just a little can get you a long way. Let me explain.

I know something about everything, but there is not one thing I know everything about. Which means I can drop into any conversation and feel comfortable and from there I usually just make it up as I go along. I think its called tuarus excrimus, derived from latation.

For example, in October 2008 I was on holiday with extended family from America. They were talking about there son who had recently got over Lyme-decease. I then asked weather they live near a wooded area as lyme-decease is commonly contracted from deertick bites. I felt I was on a roll and also mentioned that lyme-decease is often miss diagnosed as Multiple sclerosis. At this point they were quite amazed that I knew this, as I have been living in the southern hemisphere for the last 26 years and lyme-decease mostly occures in the north.

I actually got that information watching CSI:NY one day, but they didn't have to know that.

So by reading this, you might be thinking: This guy is socially inept and is borderline well... on the verge of just about anything. Maybe he was never held as a baby and was force fed peanuts in those early development years. Why does he need to be apart of conversations so badly?

Well, its none of those, except for the peanuts, my sisters didn't have a clue. The fact is, I crave knowledge, a few things bring me more pleasure than finding out how or why things work or happen. And when I can, I like to share this knowledge with others.

So, am I a sociopath? No. Do I have an obsession? Maybe. Do I know whats in the north of Australia? Definatly(Queensland) The fact is, it is for me to know And for me to find out.

Good ridence  

Posted by Smoke

It has come to my attention that the world is going to end. Yes, in another few million years the sun will burn out, there will be a loss in gravitational pull and the planet will collide with one of its neighbours after taking out the moon. That is, if we dont all die of carbon monoxide poisoning first.

To think, the inventor of the internet had created the greatest weapon of mass destruction, GLOBAL WARMING!! I wonder if Fred Flintstone had invented carbon points, dinosaurs might still have roamed earth today.

So now I too do my part in protecting mother earth, who so graciously gives me steaks, potato salad, tobacco and grains for liquor.
(a) I dont own a car, which means I dont poison the atmosphere or burn fuel.
(b) I dont fuel wars by creating a demand for oil.
(c) I dont oil the way for increases in interest rates by spending money on vehicle expenses.
Truth be told, I cant afford a car right now, but still it sooths my conscience for not trying to safe the world.

So while sol burns up and NASA tries to grow cabbages on jupiter, I will try to do more for Gaia and not just chuck my cigarette but out the window.

Otherwise, Im having the time of my life.

The spreading of the gospel