A series of unfortunate events  

Posted by Smoke

" His blog was mediocre, and not very funny at best.  he had only nine followers. (And they were payed to read it). But then he disappeared. Some thought he published, others said he went to the moon, but he was in.... A Coma.

This summer, he is back and he has a sharp pencil and still only his dull wit, but he is back to blog it.

(Now go back And read it again as if it is the naration of n blockbuster movie trailer.)

Yes, I am back, again, and too much has happened for me to try and catch up. So this will be my official account of what happened.

Shortly after posting my last entry, events unfurled that ended with me , in a Coma for 16 months.

I was driving one day, heading to work, I was late so naturally I was speeding. My phone then started ringing and as I tried to answer it, I dropped it, I reached down to get it, and just as I took my eyes off the road, and only for a moment, I jumped a stop sign and went straight through the crossing.

The next moment, I just saw blue..
Yes, a traffic cop was on my tail and signaled me to pull over. I was lucky to get away with only A warning.

I arrived at work and I was late, fortunately, the boss was in an early meeting So it went unnoticed. I went to my office and found that my office floor was completely covered in water, apparently, a major storm raged the previous evening, and the water got in under neath the door.

I switch the light on, but nothing happens, I realised that the circuit breaker popped. I know this because the power cable of my office computer  has a patch where a rat chewed it. I go to breaker to switch it on and as I flip the switch, it just kicks out again. One of my colleagues then arrives and I explain to him what is happening, So he advises me to first unplug the computer in my office, as this is the cause of the short circuit.

I walk into my water logged office and realise how dangerous it is, but knowing the power is out, I feel I am safe, or So I thought.

Now while all this was happening, another colleague of mine, found that it was in fact his radio on his desk that tripped the power. And not knowing that I was standing in a puddle of death, he head to the circuit breaker. The next thing I see is this flash of light, as my office light comes on, my colleague,  not knowing my situation, had turned the breaker on, after unplugging his radio.

Needless to say, I was fine, the power cable of my computer was high and dry, switched off. So I grabbed a mop and after an hour and a half, I had my floor dry.

The day progressed slowly, I struggled to stay focused on the job. Outside, work men were busy cutting down trees damaged by the storm. The din from the chainsaws was intensifying an already throbbing head ache. I took a chance and went out to tell them that due to strict health and safety regulations, they must take an hour long break. I walked out and under the tree and this loud crack shook me, the next moment, a huge branch, freshly cut, came falling down, by the time I looked up, it was too late, the branch had fallen on top of someone else's car. Lucky for me, the tree I was standing under neath had been trimmed earlier, and I was three trees away from the current job site.

The rest of the day progressed slowly and rather uneventful, until shortly after I left work. Unknowing to me, my life was about to change drastically....

While at the supermarket,  after work to buy groceries, I decided to purchase a lottery ticket, as I sometimes do, and there was a hefty jackpot to be won that night. I finished up my shopping and headed home.

The evening was fairly peacefull, spending time with my wife and sons. After the kids was bathed and put to bed, my wife and I stayed up to watch the lottery draw.

The show started and as I used a combination of our birth dates I knew the lottery ticket number, the announcer started with the first number, and it was a miss, the second number, I had right, third number was right as well. It went on like that and in the end, I had three correct numbers. Not bad, as I had won enough to repay the ticket and still have a few bucks left.

The next day, I went to the local shop to claim my ticket. I handed it the cashier to put it through the machine, she gave me a strange look and called for her manager. They had a whispered  conversation for a few minutes and then he left to a back office. After another few minutes, he returned. I asked him what is going on and he told me that due to the amount that i have won, they can't make the pay out and that I had to contact the regional offices for the lottery board to collect my winnings. I then ask him how much I have won,
So he told me.

Due to my own error, while marking off numbers on the lotto ticket, I accidentally choose the winning numbers, and I was now the winner of the R47 million Rand jackpot. It took me about five minutes to realise that this was happening. I then made it known that I knew what was happening. This celebration lasted exactly 43 seconds. It was abruptly ended with the feel of cold steel on my neck and the click of a gun being cocked.

A sad young man, who was having the worst year of his life, was out that day to rob the shop and make a break to a different town, and restart his life. He happened to figure out what was happening to me, and took his chance.

He told me to hand over the ticket or else I wouldn't walk out the shop. I couldn't see him, as he was behind me. In that moment, I had the most conflicting argument with myself, in the end I gave it up. I handed him the ticket and all went black. I didn't even hear the gunshot.

I woke up to confusion, everything blurted, sounds deep, hollow,  words inaudible. I close my eyes.

Someone was calling my name. Straggle to open eyes. Bright light, close eyes.

This is what went down. After taking my ticket, the young man panicked and pistol whipped me, he then ran away. A short while later, an ambulance and police arrived and I was revived.

Three weeks later, the young man was arrested at the lottery regional offices, and was charged with armed robbery. See, back in the shop, the manager had already given my information through as the ticket holder, the lottery board was also informed of the robbery and after receiving a call from the young criminal claiming his ticket, a trap was setup by police and he was nabbed.

I recieved my winning and together with my family, booked a 16 month vacation in a coma.

Addendum:  due to a terrible spellchecker and autocorrect, every time I type foreign parts, it gets changed to A coma.
Please reread my post with this in mind.

The spreading of the gospel